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At this point there is no known cure for you.
This test is designed to determine whether you are a true West Coast eco-hippie, or just someone stuck out here waiting for your court date on an assault charge. If you are an East Coast transplant and are wearing socks with sandals, it may already be too late to help you. Take this test to determine if you are officially a left coaster.
1. Before eating a piece of fruit you:
A) wash the organic fruit you purchased at the hyper-expensive co-op thoroughly in warm water. B) make sure you wipe the apple on the ass seat of your pants before eating it, but only if someone is watching, so they won't think you're gross.
2. At a restaurant you ask:
A) if the soup is completely vegan, or is it made with chicken stock? B) "Can I get bacon on that?"
3. Do you:
A) always buy fair trade coffee to help Latin American farmers. B) come within a hairsbreadth of getting into a fist fight with the kitchen workers at the Mexican restaurant next door to your apartment during a tequila-fueled argument over Mexican midget wrestling.
4. To impress your date while dining out at a sushi restaurant, you ask the waiter:
A) for an order of ARAME and explain that it is rich in iron and calcium. B) "Can I get some cheese melted on that and served with a side of ranch dressing?"
5. In unpleasant confrontations with strangers, your first reaction is to be:
Can I get cheese melted on that?
A) passive-aggressive B) an asshole
6. While drinking in a pub in Haight-Ashbury:
A) discuss the genius of Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead. B) in the warm glow of your third Irish car bomb think you are actually being enlightened when you say you believe that hippies may possibly share some DNA with humans.
7) Your shoe wardrobe contains:
A) several pairs of stylish clogs. B) my shoe what-robe?
8) Your contribution to conservation causes:
A) dutifully attending every Cascades chapter of the Sierra Club meeting even if it means driving 30-40 miles in your V-10 Ford Excursion while listening to The Love Songs Of Whales on the CD player. B) you brag about not having a car and taking mass transit but fail to mention your conviction on a vehicular assault charge and losing your license after you drank 11 Screaming Nazi shots at the company Christmas party, thus failing miserably in your role as the designated driver.
9) Your insights into the bountiful wilderness of the majestic Northwest can be summed up as follows:
A bald eagle omelette.
A) man must learn to live in harmony with all of God's creatures. B) on a recent hunting trip, you ate a three-egg bald eagle omelet because you thought it would go well with fried spam.
10) Your proudest environmental achievement:
A) helping to protect the beach habitat of the snowy plover. B) not getting arrested for poaching in almost two years.
I'm not sure if "men" , in the classic sense of the word, even exist on the west coast.
Stu
Mostly B's
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Post #: 2
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Posted: 5/8/2006 9:24:28 AM
I got moslty B's. How did I do?
Bryan
No Lube
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Post #: 3
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Posted: 5/8/2006 10:44:27 AM
Lame, weak, stupid, unsatisfactory, flimsy.... any of those will work for this article. We get it, your a trendy "west coaster", well hoo-ray for you. The west coast is gay anyhow, have fun with your no taylor ham and your dry, anal rape. In closing, Be. More. Funny. Some of your other stuff was actually decent. Go back to that.
GRB
GRB
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Post #: 4
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Posted: 5/8/2006 11:49:03 AM
Good stuff, I also found myself unable to answer A for any question...fuckin' hippies.
I think Bryan missed the point entirely.
Joe Kickass
Hey, Serious (the commentor)
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Post #: 5
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Posted: 5/8/2006 12:53:01 PM
I hope fall nutsack-first into a thorn bush.
For the author, because the article mentions it... I was on Haight-Ashbury yesterday for some time in Ameoba (massive CD store). (Quick aside, you can't take ten steps on that street without being offered nugs, lsd or horse tranqs.) Anyway, walking out of the store, I saw these two thugs kids like half a block in front of me just walk right up to this kid waiting for the bus and clock him in the face. A cop was across the street and ran over and slammed one kid against the wall and the other took off. Crazy.
A not-douche-like Brian
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Post #: 6
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Posted: 5/8/2006 1:53:24 PM
"Bryan" is a moron.
Charlie Sheen
Christine
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Post #: 7
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Posted: 5/8/2006 6:09:37 PM
Where are you? I need to hear about your weekend, and, of course, what you wore and are wearing.
You little minx. Rrrrrrrr.
c
Don't you love
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Post #: 8
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Posted: 5/10/2006 12:05:03 PM
Folks like Bryan who read a satire site ... but are wholly incapable of grasphing satire?
I think eventually they'll isolate the gene that allows one to grasp irony.
I love all the right-wingers that think Stephen Colbert speaks for them!
Catch-23
envronmental contribution
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Post #: 9
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Posted: 5/13/2006 10:17:35 PM
My bigest environmental contribution is drawing a cock and balls in the dust on a Hummer. That'll teach 'em to drive a more eco friendly car!
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