Twelve CDs for a Penny! It's an offer so tempting only those with the strongest constitution can refuse it. I don't know how things went down in your neck of the woods, but where I come from (aka "The Streets"), if some faceless company is dumb enough to dangle a dozen shiny new compact discs full of the latest jams in your face and all they ask for in return is penny, you don't ask questions. You grab those mirrored platters and run for the closest boom box - Suckers! I mean, there was a day when a penny could buy you a walk across the newly built Brooklyn Bridge, but those days are over and I needed that new Bell, Biv, DeVoe album.
Many years later, two lessons stick with me from that transaction: #1 Don't trust a big butt and smile. And #2: Few things in life are free, and even less things cost a penny. Now in my case the first lesson was worth the eventual price I paid for the dozen CDs, but I doubt many people are that lucky.
One such individual is our very own Larry Housel. The tale of his Columbia House experience is one of legend. And I am here to not only to tell you about it, but also to assure you that unlike the Fountain of Youth, Atlantis or Jesus, this legend is true! I was there man, and it was beautiful.
The Deal It all started on cool autumn evening in 1993. Larry Housel stopped in at his Mom's house after his first day of college. Larry fixed himself a sammich and flopped down on to the couch to watch an episode of the Cosby Show he had tapped the night before. It was an episode that he had seen before, but there was something about the Huxtables that facinated him. At the first commercial break, Larry flipped through the day's mail. Halfway through the stack a chubby envelope teased him with the blocky and colorful offer of "12 CDs for a Penny." You see, Larry had already taken advantage of the offer a year before, and this chubby envelope wasn't for him. It was for his younger sister Tammy Housel.
Now Larry, being the older brother, exercised the older brother prerogative. He wasnt going to allow his beloved sister to miss out on such an amazing opportunity. So, he signed his sister up and ordered her a dozen CDs he wanted.
A week later, under remarkably similar circumstances, Larry tore open the box still laughing to himself about Cliffs latest witty retort to Rudy just before the commercial break. Im sure with every intention of giving the musical bounty to his younger sister at his first opportunity, Larry left that day in his Jeep bumping the sweet sounds of Rhythm Is A Dancer by SNAP! It was the last he would think of Columbia House for many years.
The Letter Almost six years to the day later, Tammy Housel received her first letter from a North Shore Agency, Inc. asking for $112.02 for an outstanding balance owed to one Columbia House CD Club. At first she ignored them, and a few months passed. It was two days after Christmas 1999 when Tammy received a strongly worded letter that spurred her into action.
The time was not lost on Tammy, she grow into a smart young woman, and it didnt take her long to put together the pieces. Years of returning CDs of the Month and Larrys sudden acquisition of several new CDs back in 1993, including Snows 12 of Snow, Meatloafs The Very Best of Meatloaf, and Toni Braxtons Buy It Now! among others, suddenly made sense. She did all she could do, she told her Mom.
It wasnt long before the news reached Larry. And now that Mom was involved, Larry couldnt ignore the problem. He would have deal with this Columbia House situation, and fast. Something had to be done, and that something did not include paying $112.02. As far as Larry was concerned, he had paid his penny, and that was the only legal tender they were ever going to squeeze out of him.
The Key Larry went home still a bit upset about the flack he got for a completely innocent six-year-old indiscretion. He wasn't quite sure what to do, but he didn't like Mr. Benedetto's tone in the letter, that was for sure. Larry decided to write Mr. Benedetto a letter of his own. This wouldn't be the typical letter contesting a debt, or even an angry, obscenity laced tyrad about the old "Columbia-House-bait-and-switch". No, this letter would be something that Ralph Benedetto was not prepared for; something that no collection agency had ever seen.
The letter, complete with a poem from Tammy's "brother Hulahay" was drafted. It included a key "to the money" which was supposedly located in Brazil, Indiana - which is only a few miles from the Columbia House headquarters in Terre Haute.
The Response Im not sure what he expected to come from the response to the North Shore Agency (NSA), but if nothing else, we all had fun imagining that Larry had given some poor minimum-wage mail reader schmo a brief respite from thinking about his paper cuts and suicide. It was about a week later that Larry burst in the door with smile and an envelope.
A customer service agent named Edy Mills had sent a form letter reply with a single line added: Enclosed, we are retuning the KEY that you sent. It was all the encouragement we needed. Not only had Larry (or more accurately Tammy) received a personalized form letter and forced an escalation of the account, but also with the letter was a tiny envelope containing the key. On this little stapled envelope was a hand-written number: "#023472"
Our imaginations ran wild with theories about how the key had brought their baroque system into near collapse. We immediately started plotting our next move.
The Commercial Larry knew that if he was going to keep this going, he was going to need reinforcements. So he called in the troops to brainstorm he next move. It wasnt long before we broke out the PXL-2000 and started shooting a commercial for The Columbia House. The commercial starred Larry, Simone, Time, Sleepy, Jesse and Beth, and it was perfect. Larry and I drafted a second letter addressed to Edy Mills and Simone drew a truly terrifying diagram. We packaged it up all up and sent it off with dreams of sugar plums dancing in our head.
Click play to watch "the Commercial"
Another Letter from NSA Before Larry had sent "the commercial" to Columbia House, NSA had already sent another letter. The timing couldn't have been better. Just the idea that there would now be two boardrooms with stiff men in suits watching the commercial was almost too much to take.
The Wait We spent the weeks following thinking up our next move. We considered packing Larry up in a refrigerator box and hand delivering him to the Columbia House offices. We talked about collecting thousands of AOL CDs and sending them to Columbia House as payment. We thought about staging Houlahays death on video and sending them the video along with his severed toe. But in the end none of that would be necessary as the final chapter wouldnt be ours to write.
The End? Really? Then it came - the response to the commercial.
TRANSCRIPT: DEAR MS. HOUSEL, Your letter has been forwarded to this office.
The account has been cleared of charges and the collection agency is being notified to remove your name from its files. Until the necessary changes are made, requests for payment may continue. Please disregard them.
Under seperate cover, the Video and the picture which you submitted are being returned. We cannot comply with your request for a commercial cost of $96.50.
We trust this matter has been handled to your complete satisfaction.
And that was it. It was over. At first I think we all felt a little cheated, but now, looking back, I dont know that it could have ended any better. I mean I seriously doubt we could have topped "the commercial" without getting the police called on us. And Larry became the first person ever to actually get 12 CDs for a Penny.
the minor defense Posted: 11/2/2006by: David Firstly, great story. I loved it!
FYI : the minor defense has been working for well over 20 years! I was pullin that scam when I was 12. I can't believe it still works! e-mail failure! Posted: 3/28/2006by: david I try to sed this article to my friends and the window send it to a friend does not work properly, you woul like to chek it up, sin ce I have a bunch of friend s that sure need to be advice, so bad. thaks. And by the way you have an aoutstanding article right here. #1AllStar Posted: 3/15/2006by: Jay Actually.. I got the 12 CDs for a penny deal as well. 12 months after receiving my CDs, Columbia House demanded that I pay for one full price CD so I could cancel my account. However, being only 16 at the time, my father dutifully notified Columbia House that I was a minor and therefore unable to engage in a legal contract with them. They cancelled my account without my having to pay them. I win. GOOD STUFF Posted: 3/1/2006by: POOPY PANTS FUNNY ASS SHIT. KEEP IT UP Who's larry? Posted: 12/9/2005by: Dan And why should I care about these people Awesome Posted: 11/26/2005by: Mike D This is great, everyone has a Columbia House Story, I got the 12 CD's under my brother, mother, and even dead grandfather's name. My story was not nearly as funny though, I told just them I'm 14 and fuck off... Morons Posted: 9/27/2005by: John I loved the article and I would bet big money that the people at Columbia thought the entire thing was hysterical.
As for the shit house lawyers posting comments, yes you can void a contract made with a minor, but you cannot reap the benefits. In other words if BMG or Columbia wanted to, they could ask for return of those CDs. I am sure they made corporate decision that that it is not worth the time and effort, but if more people start pulling that "I am minor" stuff, that decision may change. Oh Great One Posted: 9/20/2005by: Paula Dearest Men,
This Tammy Housel sounds hot. Is there any way to get a picture of her holding the original 12 cd's (preferably naked). How about Edy? She sounds hot too...make that hott (two t's just for emphasis).
I need to meet Ms. Tammy Housel. Please advise.
Yours in waiting, Paula Subscriptions Posted: 9/15/2005by: Mike S My fraternity house in college used to get a free subscription to penthouse for the name, "Will Notpay". I'm not even joking.
Didn't even use the name William... don't they have someone that reads those things? easy Posted: 9/13/2005by: yeah for those that think these guys are gods you all are definitely stupid. all you ever had to do was sign up, get your free shit, and then send them a letter stating you were a minor. case closed. i probably did it 3 or 4 times with columbia house and bgm. it's simply the law. i will admit there way was more creative but stop giving them verbal blow job's for it.
Another Letter from NSA
TRANSCRIPT:
