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We'll get off this Island! Later though.
Hi There. I wrote a whole shitload of new books. I'm desperately searching for an agent who recognizes great literature. I really need a good agent because I'll need a large publishing house to meet my demands for a sizable advance, not to mention the logistics involved in handling a stream of best sellers.
Here are some excerpts:
From chapter 11 of my novel, "High Seas Adventure!" "The desert island was freezing now and Captain Robert was realizing just how foolish a decision it had been to use the last of the matches to light the crate of fireworks the crew had salvaged from the wreck. It seemed an odd choice for a morale booster when you stopped to consider that it had been lighting crates of fireworks that had led to the ship's sinking in the first place. Captain Robert tried to address his men about finding dinner, but the crew's attention was on a deckhand who had created a super-bottle rocket by twisting the wicks of four regular bottle rockets together. By noon the next day, the entire crew was dead."
From chapter 214 of my short story, "The Narcoleptic Truck Driver" "Frank couldn't believe that the angry mob had the audacity to call him "insensitive." Especially after he had just spent five minutes apologizing to them for accidentally killing what Frank estimated to be about twenty-five hundred dollars worth of people."
Real Sherpas or Deported Carnival Workers?
From the Book of Job, in my latest book, "The Bible 2: The Mystery of Barbeque Island" "Job decided to elude the swarm of hornets by hiding under a canoe. Unfortunately, the canoe was really a bunch of hornets that had pressed their bodies together to look like a canoe."
From chapter 1 of book 1 of my trilogy, "The Return to Completely Undiscovered Mountain" "It wasn't until they were completely lost that the "Sherpa" informed Bill that he was really just an ex-carnival worker who had been deported from the United States. Bill was furious, but suddenly he had a vision of his carnival-savvy guide fashioning snow into edible cotton candy. Bill asked his guide about this, but the man only laughed as he explained how cotton candy requires sugar and a machine to process it. It hurt, but Bill remained optimistic. "Surely this man must possess some type of carnival-related antics that can help us on this mountain," Bill wondered. However, the grizzled old Carney had nothing to offer to their worsening situation. The tiny man was later thrown from the mountain when he lost his footing showing Bill the different patterns of the Tilt-a-Whirl."
A rare photograph of Barbeque Island
From Chapter 4 of my novel, "Generic Cops & Robbers" "Had Ryan realized just how little attention the common birdbath owner devotes to maintaining the appearance of his/her birdbaths, he might've chosen a different tactic to divert the attention of the detective hunting him. Calling in a phony murder or even letting the air out of the tires of the detective's car would've been a major step up. As expected, Ryan was arrested soon afterwards in a creek a mile away from the detective's home. Even though he was likely going to be in jail for a long time, it was hard for Ryan not to feel a little satisfied from knowing that in a month or so, the detective would have to clean all of that sand out of his birdbath."
From Chapter 12 of my novel, "The Functional Moron" "Jeremy hadn't been snooping. He was just looking for a stapler to borrow from Ron's cubicle when he noticed the email pop up on his coworker's computer monitor. At lunch, Jeremy confronted him about the message, but Ron tried his best to downplay it. "You can't be serious," said Ron. "I get those emails all the time. Heck, everyone does. I assure you, they mean nothing." Whether Ron was telling the truth or not was insignificant at that point. It was clear to Jeremy that his recent internet relationship was not as monogamous as he'd thought. "Just who was hotbigtits69," Jeremy wondered? "And how many other men had she invited to view her steamy shower cam?""
If you like what you read and would like to read more, let me know and I will send you the rest. And if you're an agent, it's your lucky day.
I like Oatmeal and his history of completely random stuff. But this was terrible. I mean, it's just awful.
Unless that's what we're going for here: a bunch of poorly comstructed themes and sentences that in no way constitute an atually funny tpp article. If so, nice job!
if you didn't find it funny, try re-reading it while imagining ManfromNantucket as the protagonist.
Yes, that's pretty funny, Tom. But I would have referenced the dude's haircut at least once. And the 'stache. Don't even get me started on those collars...
Posts: 1375 Rank: 10 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
savannah, GA
Posted: 3/5/2007 11:20:15 AM
birdbath full of sand. it's so harmless and most likely, even the birds won't notice...they never wash anyway. generic moron was the best. Heaven help the man that steals my YungCunt4fun@eightteen.com!
Posts: 207 Rank: 41 Joined:
1/15/2007
Location:
My mom doesnt live in texas, WA
Posted: 3/5/2007 12:46:09 PM
I like how you say "about 2,500 dollars worth of people." It was funny. ManfromNantucket is just upset because he too receives emails from "hotbigtits69." Well, I would be suprised and angry too, nantucket. She sounds like a real classy gal.
Posts: 1253 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 3/5/2007 1:07:09 PM
about this article was awesome...Chapter 214 of my "short stroy". Bible II, why has nobody tried this? Just the thought is probably outraging Anthony right now.
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