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Tila Tequila
Tila Tequila might seem unattainable, but deep down she's just a regular girl…a regular girl with a dad who fucked up real, real bad. CelebJihad.com recently caught up with the sexy star of A Shot at Love and asked her for some frank advice about modern dating...
Ladies, having standards is important, but make sure they aren't too high. Remember, the "perfect man" is just a fairytale, like the Easter Bunny or HIV.
Guys, nothing kills a date faster than bad manners. Not offering your date a Valtrex isn't just thoughtless, it's downright rude.
Guys, if you're at dinner and the waiter starts to flirt with your date, calmly stand up, smash a wine glass on the table, hold the shards of glass to his neck and demand that he respect you. Anything less and your girl will think you're a pussy.
Ok guys, you've already paid for an expensive meal. Now it's time to go the extra mile. Offer to hold back your date's hair as she regurgitates her food in the parking lot. Extra points if you have a mint ready for when she's finished!
Ladies, he's there to make you feel special, so don't be afraid to ask for a side of "balls in your mouth" at dinner.
Remember, you can't buy your way into a girl's bedroom. Try using coke.
Guys, when you're on your first date and the girl starts blowing you, don't push down on her head. That's way too forward and could make her gag and vomit on your cock before she's ready to.
No condom, no problem! Remember girls; no one ever had a butt baby.
Ladies, isn't it annoying when you're on a date with a guy and he asks you where he should "finish"? He knows we're just going to scoop it up and eat it regardless of where it lands, so why does he ask?
Exploring bi-sexuality is a great way to broaden your horizons. It's also a great way to say "fuck you" to your dad for not buying you that pony you wanted when you were nine.
Don't assume that just because a girl is bisexual she wants to make out with your gal pals…unless your gal pals wear cherry chapstick and have tight labias. Then you can assume whatever you like.
If you do find yourself attracted to someone of the same sex, don't be ashamed. Curiosity is perfectly natural, just like fisting or being raped by your uncle.
My biggest rule for any date is to be yourself…unless of course it's "sweeps week" and Mort from Viacom's marketing department tells you to be more of a whore. Trust me, he might look out of touch, but that heeb knows how to pull in the 18-to 25-year-old demographic.
Remember, you can take the girl out of the third-world prostitution ring, but you can't take the third-world prostitution ring out of the girl.
Special thanks to Scott Hoffman and Sam Mechling of the Phat Phree, and the rest of the CelebJihad.com writers.
Posts: 32 Rank: 208 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Douglasville, GA
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:25:37 AM
Those two pics made up for the abomination at the top of the article.
Somewhere along the line, that bitch's mom got a little confused, fucked E.T., and this was the result. Somehow she was able to play the "child" off as human...
"Exploring bi-sexuality is a great way to broaden your horizons. It's also a great way to say "fuck you" to your dad for not buying you that pony you wanted when you were nine."-excellent.
Posts: 568 Rank: 29 Joined:
8/29/2007
Location:
Boston, MA
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:33:51 AM
like Tila Tequila's sole purpose is to reach fame, and then quickly get chopped down after the world realizes what stupid fucks they were for thinking she was at all attractive.
Here's something to discuss. L and I were talking about things we hate (we're such lovable people). Here's some of that list. feel free to add:
1. Girls who wear black because it's "slimming" 2. Guys who wear a scarf with a sport coat 3. simulated penetration 4. People on the street with the biggest umbrella they can find
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