 | Copyright owners of the new revolution? |
This is a pithy excuse for the sweaty trudge through life. No one really cares about you or your video blog. What compels you towards the thought that people do? Was it Sk8eRGuRl98s encouraging comments, patting your back through pixels of prose reeking of adolescent swagger and sweat? Was it your 100,000 page-views? The only reason why anyone watches your videos is because of your overt and calculated display of cleavage, the inviting tenor of pointless fluff, and the overall ease of vicariousness. It is the new fad, and your voice has rang in the new age. Thanks a lot, you cock-bastard for becoming another detrimental phase in society.
I entered this potato-sack race of roaches for no good reason. I am nothing but a sperm and an egg, continuing to fester and grow into this human abomination. And guess what? Youre no better than I am; were nothing but goddamn germs! So who are you to have a flag of self-awareness to wave freely?
You have cleavage. That is as far as you will ever get to feeling life. A vicarious connection to other people over the internet built upon the gleaming display of your glorified bust. For some reason you think thats enough for you to become the barley legal Buddha of intrapersonal conversation. Your autobiographical ramblings are nothing more than the most annoying background music in the world, failing to even compliment that cleavage of yours. You have effectively solved the great philosophical question posed by many men before us: is it possible to screw up or even ruin a nice cleavage? Yes it is, with that voice that ruins the timeless pleasure of one of the last unadulterated male passions. Thanks, whore-bag.
You are revolutionaries. You bring down the house like a sunny-eyed Voltaire of the cyber age. You bring the people together via video responses creating a social web of human cardboard pieces. You will then build a fort with these cardboard pieces, a stronghold, a headquarters from which you will navigate your revolution by some creek behind your parents house. You will be standing in your fort, fist in the air, yelling annoying slogans of verbalized rainbows until the day you die without leaving the slightest mark on the world. Looks like YouTube wasnt the fountain of dreams that you thought it was. Thats life asshole; just kill yourself now because its a lost cause.
You are aspiring anal-whores, making your first big mark on the industry through your webcam. Your prepubescent body brings out the Humbert Humbert in all of us. I must say its quite nice, until you open your mouth, and it isnt to blow a banana. How can you expect us to take anything a rich suburban nymphet with bleached teeth says seriously? You dance to some tough-guy rap song, have sex with your door, and then you talk about politics?? Give me a fucking break. Just keep shaking your ass to the retail price tag of the American Dream (read: Thug Life) and try not to contribute anything else to society. The forum fiends will love you for it.
 | Rebel Gear. |
You are a fast-talking, wise-cracking clever-boy from the streets. You know the gritty truth and you preach it with a take-no-prisoners style. Give this man a round of applause and a high-class hooker for giving the public the down-low on the pressing issues of today. Youre also a pretty witty guy and put things in such a way that even dumbasses can understand it. Wait a minute, an elitist gun-slinger of the profound that any white-trash mullet-boy can identify with? This guy is the universal soldier of rhetoric!
You are a comedian. You pride yourself in your humility. You act all surprised when you receive attention and even address it in your videos. You say the clich things, who would want to pay attention to a nerdy guy like me? and, Boy, you guys must be really bored! Cut the crap Patch Adams. You think youre funny; youre that piss-brained class clown figure with a face made for cum-shots. Guess what pussy lips? They say that you learn something new everyday, and today, I learned that youre an annoying shit-mouth douche bag.
You are the heavy weights of the YouTube community, and you have a voice. Its just a tragedy that a shit-log splashing against a porcelain toilet bowl has more meaning than what you are talking about. If food poisoning was reincarnated into a living, breathing species with webcam capabilities, it would be the YouTube community. These purveyors of this monolithic saga of human stupidity have found a new medium to infiltrate the masses. I will not grin and bear it while these gaudy butt-munchers take all the glory from me. It is text versus video in this war I am waging. Sure, call me a hypocrite for attempting the same things that they are, but there is one difference between me and them: IM FUCKING BADASS.
 | The leaders of the free world...and their video blogs. |
This is my proclamation and my assurance to you. Im here to stay motherfuckers. Dare to oppose? Try! And fucking die!
You can take that one to the bank, this is a YouTube Attack!
Join the infantry! This is a YouTube Attack! If know of any YouTube users that arent' worth a urinal cake, e-mail me and let me know. Well take them downtown! Ive already got a few in mind, so stay tuned motherfuckers!
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