LAS VEGAS, NV According to rumors floating around the Las Vegas Hospitality & Entertainment Association (LVHEA), 35-year-old hospitality hostess Shirley LaVerne smoked crack from a broken light bulb while visiting the room of a male client.
According to LVHEA President Darnell Thomas, also known as Big Poppy, LaVerne was forced to take matters into her own hands when the client was unable to produce a suitable smoking device. So it go like this, Big Poppy told reporters. Shirley met this cracker down on the casino floor outside RumJungle. Muthafucka was so butt-ugly aint no way my girl was gonna fuck him without being high.
LaVernes client, 26 year old Lanny Dunn, often referred to as The LD by his posse, refused to issue a statement following the press conference held by Big Poppy. Sources close to The LD report that although he is not an attractive male, the incident involving LaVerne smoking crack in a broken light bulb was due to poor planning and not his acne-ridden face.
The unnamed source told The Las Vegas Sun that Dunn invited LaVerne back to his room at the Excalibur following a night of heavy drinking and unsuccessful flirting at RumJungle. Upon entering the room, LaVerne quickly pulled out a small back of crack cocaine and asked Dunn for a crack pipe. Dude, I dont know about you, the source told reporters, but Ive never smoked crack in my life, and neither has LD. I dont know what this fuckin whore was thinking. Im sure that shit would go over real well with security at the airport. Its hard enough sneaking in some pot or coke.
Tequila works too...
Despite the absence of a crack pipe in the dimly lit room, LaVerne quickly improvised by unscrewing a light bulb from the bedside lamp and cracked it over the nightstand. In an exclusive interview with The Phat Phree, LaVerne provided a first-hand account of her MacGyver-like actions.
So I walk into this kids room and all his fuckin friends are passed out. Fuckin place stunk like a motherfucker, she told The Phat Phree. I start thinkin aint no way I gonna fuck this kid without a little help from the rock, so I bust out my baggie and ask the little shit for a pipe. She went on to say, Big surprise, the kid dont have one, so I done like every good hostess should do and broke a goddamn light bulb to smoke it out of. Shit was good too.
After LaVerne smoked several rocks, she asked Dunn if he was ready to party. Due to several friends occupying the beds and rollaway, Dunn was forced to improvise and later told friends that he fucked that whore silly in the shower. In her account to The Phat Phree, LaVerne chuckled when hearing Dunns recollection of the evening and how his boys refer to him as The LD. I dont know what them boys think they talkin' bout, but that kid sure as hell aint hung. I seen bigger cocks on a circus midget. And aint no way he fucked me silly. Some old gramps gave it to me better earlier that night. And trust me, I know. I been doin this hostess gig for over ten years now. Still going strong too.
Following publication of the incident in The Sun, hardware stores in Las Vegas and South Central LA reported a 25% increase in light bulb sales. Mid-level street dealers noted a similar increase in weekly crack revenue.
c'mon Posted: 7/26/2005by: Graham This was possibly the worst day of postings I have ever endured. Are you guys on strike? Did scabs write this edition? My brain has turned to gelatin. Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuo;ju"FCJM ;mb;xlmvc;m;bbbbbbbbbbbbb what Posted: 7/26/2005by: jay everything that was posted today made my eyes glaze over 1st time for everything Posted: 7/26/2005by: matt Yeah I almost have to agree with STEVE on that one. Next time shove that light bulb up your ass and have somebody use your butt for the homerun derby. Come on, The Vegas, hookers, crack-had all the makings of a funny piece, bad delivery. CHRIS Posted: 7/26/2005by: STEVE That sucked cock. You should go smash a light bulb off your desk and slit your fuckin wrists with it. Better luck next time geek.
