 | The Lucky Runner-Up |
OVERTON FALLS, MI What was supposed to be a day of great joy has become a minor tragedy in the small town of Overton Falls, Michigan. After finishing second on an episode of "Wheel of Fortune" airing July 13th, Jill Whitney was to be given the key to the city.
I was really honored to be honored this way. It was just such an honor. I havent been given an honor like this since I made honor roll in second grade. I had moved that aside on my 'Shelf of Honor' for this honor, said Ms. Whitney.
However, that space remains empty, for the key that was to be presented to Ms. Whitney was stolen. Details remain sketchy, but it seems that the key was stolen from James DiLario, Overton Falls Official City Maintenance Engineer.
The durn things so big, explained DiLario, I couldnt put in on the ring I have thats attached to my coveralls with my KeyKord DiLario here stretched out his key ring, which is, in fact, attached to his coveralls. So instead I just threw all it in my pocket, DiLario continued. Someone must have snuck up and picked my pocket.
DiLario denies insinuations that he often falls asleep in the broom closet at City Hall, and the key may have fallen out and been stolen from there.
 | DiLario in happier times |
DiLario claimed It was probably that Browner boy, looking to break into the supply shed at the high school and huff all the field-marking paint.
Jason Browner was unavailable for comment, though his mother, Janice, explained that Jasons a good boy, who would never do anything like that.
However the key disappeared, the larceny is looking to be a pricey one for Overton Falls. That key really is the key to the city, and now were going to have to change all the locks to the city, DiLario explained. Its really expensive to change such large locks.
While he refused to disclose the locations of said locks for security reasons, plans on file at the Overton Falls Historical Society show that there are several locks to the city: the large gate at the entrance to the city bearing the legend Welcome to Overton Falls; the sewer grate on Elm Street between London Rd. and Berlin Way; and a small door in the base of the statue of the towns founder, Ephrem Overton.
Overton Falls Mayor Brandi Westin says that the city will find the money to pay for the lock changing somewhere in the current budget.
While its been nice to have the carnations outside City Hall, they are really a luxury we can live without for a year or two. Also, running water may be eliminated, explained the Mayor, continuing, However, the plans for the presentation will go on. How often does a city get someone on 'The Wheel'?
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