Because diarrhea affects over 30 million Americans every day, and because I am one of them.
Because just like AIDS and breast cancer, diarrhea can only be conquered by self-righteous fashion accessories.
Because I thought outside the bun for lunch yesterday and had to make two separate stops on my way back to the office.
Because diarrhea doesnt care whether youre black, white, young, old, male, female, gay or totally gay.
Because when I walk into the mens room at work and hear what sounds like an M-16 going off, I know that one of my co-workers is making a trip to brown town, and because I will not let him walk alone.
Because from now until December 15, every $5 donation to Mud Blowers Anonymous will be matched dollar for dollar by both Hersheys and the makers of Imodium A-D.
Because I once had the runs during a soccer game in high school and faked an injury so I could go make hot potty in the locker room.
Because they havent made a ribbon for blue balls yet.
Because some people think its funny, but its really brown and runny.
Because this kid at summer camp once got hit with the rhea during free swim, and although I laughed at him and called him Doody Bombs for the rest of the summer like everyone else, I felt kind of bad about it when I heard that he killed himself several years later.
I wish.
Because raising diarrhea awareness isnt someone elses job its everyones job.
Because when the rest of the audience howled with delight at that scene in Dumb and Dumber, I cried a single tear of shame.
Because Bam Margera and Steve-O from Jackass are wearing them.
Because if enough people start wearing them, its possible that there might actually be some kind of Labor Day Diarrheathon or a 5K Run for the Runs in Central Park either of which would be even funnier than the Special Olympics.
Because it is incomprehensible to me that anyone anywhere could ever have a need for laxatives.
Because millions of diarrhea victims are hiding in the shadows, afraid to seek treatment for fear of being snickered at by the cashier during checkout.
And because none of us will be truly free until every last one of us can spend a night slamming down bran muffins and prunes without fear.
Steve-O had his stapled on. God, I admire him.
* * * *
Thats why I'm proud to wear the Official Diarrhea Awareness Ribbon, along with the Live Solid and Well-Formed bracelet.
And that's why I'd like you to join me in the fight against this sphincter-scorching menace. Together, we can make a difference.
Remember Chappelle? Posted: 11/15/2005by: c The mudbutt episode where the guy had to go in the white bathroom to spray the bowl and Charlie Murphy was this preacherman egging him one... brilliant.
I liked this one, and I usually am really squemish about poop. But I have had my troubles with the spatter -- I can drink Pepto-Bismal like it was Gatorade and spent all of college with a bottle under my car seat.
Thanks for carrying the torch for us, man. mqmqb Posted: 11/12/2005by: Leslie I got an attack of ass-coffee before I went on stage in college. I was wearing a toga. I won the "Oops I craped my toga" award. My cast was my support group. Thanks guys. YOU TELL HIM, PATRICK Posted: 11/10/2005by: Lorenzo Yeah, Highbrow Guy, if you can't take the stink...
go to ratemypoo.com
Special? Posted: 11/10/2005by: Sinnick I'm just glad someone else thinks the Special Olympics are funny. Highbrow Guy Posted: 11/10/2005by: Patrick ...maybe another site for you? Sigh Posted: 11/10/2005by: Highbrow Guy Brown Ribbon, day 2. I liked it more yesterday, and I didn't like it much then. Then a rectum article and a fart article. Pretty lowbrow. Hot, silent flatus .... Posted: 11/9/2005by: SBD Hot, silent flatus is generally the most putrid ..... amen Posted: 11/9/2005by: tito funny stuff... I gots the shits Posted: 11/9/2005by: matt Today. Dumb Tiae hooker, or was it the burrito I had at lunch, maybe I should't have made that remark about wetback being good for nothing except food and sex. Oh and since I haven't done any work today. . Posted: 11/9/2005by: Christine I would like to add that a shotgun to the face is almost a sure fire way to Off yourself, take heed of this advice Eugene and don't say that I never did anything for you.
