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In honor of February being black history month, the American public made Norbit number one at the box office last weekend and we decided to make this week's Ultimate 11 all about the sometimes embarrassing history of African Americans in cinema. We're not just talking about bad movies, although many of the films on this list are truly horrible. We're talking about movies that contain black characterizations that set back race relations fifty years.
I know what you're thinking: "Aren't you guys both white?"
Yes, we are, but I went to predominantly black schools, Rick grew up in Youngstown, and we can both pop-n-lock with the best of 'em.
"Hey, isn't that a stereotype?!"
Nevermind all that, friends. We present to you The Ultimate 11 Most Damaging Movies to Black America.
As a general note, '60s and '70s "Blaxsploitation" movies are exempt because prior to the release of those films, there were almost no positive black characters in movies. So the fact that John Shaft was seemingly always going "to get laid. (Where are you goin?)" was more than made up for by the fact that he was a black leading man when that was almost unheard of.
Finding Forrester 2000 Aside from Sean Connery's cringe/laugh inducing line, "You're the man now, dog!", this movie isn't completely without merit. On its face, a young black man with a talent for writing seems to be a positive character, but the movie makes sure to let you know that this black writer also loves basketball. And then in the end, the only way he can really break out of the ghetto is with the help of some old white guy.
Radio 2003 Cuba Gooding, Jr. might be the anti-MLK. His resume is full of negative stereotypes: Jerry McGuire - a money-hungry, shit-talking professional football player, Gladiator (not the one with Russell Crow, the one with Brian Dennehy) - a high school kid named, no joke, Abraham Lincoln Haines who moonlights as an underground boxer with a four-year-old kid, and in Radio - a high school football team's retarded black mascot.
Little Man 2006 Easily the worst movie on this list, Little Man boasts a black main character that is a thief, a pervert, a homophobe, violent, crude, and an idiot. In the ultimate irony, this movie about thieves stole its plot from the old Bugs Bunny cartoon where he poses as a baby.
New Jack City 1991 Drug dealing, murders, naked bitches, ridiculous haircuts, a character named "Gee Money"- this movie has it all. Not only was this movie responsible for the start of a new era of Blaxsploitation movies, it also reinforces the most destructive black stereotype of all: black people love Judd Nelson.
Pootie Tang 2001 We don't need to go into great detail about why this movie is on this list. We present the working title of the film: Pootie Tang in Sine Your Pitty on the Runny Kine.
The Adventures of Pluto Nash 2002 Who killed that hilarious 19-year-old black kid from Raw? There's no way the Eddie Murphy in this turd is the same man. In the future, Pluto Nash owns a hot nightclub on the moon. It's good to know that even in 1000 years the most success a black man can expect is to own a nightclub.
Big Momma's House 2000 In case you didn't know, Big Momma's House reminds you that black women are all fat, sassy, and wise.
The Wiz 1978 There's so much to talk about here: Joel Schumacher writing the script for the black version of The Wizard of Oz, Sidney Lumet, who directed Network and Serpico, helming the black version of The Wizard of Oz, the Cowardly Lion being named "Fleetwood Coupe de Ville", or the inference that you can find magic in a dumpster. But most damaging is the idea that the only way black people can appreciate a classic like The Wizard of Oz is if you recast it with black (non) actors and make it horrible.
Soul Plane 2004 Even a Klansman could watch this movie and say "Well, I don't like black people, but even I don't think they are this ridiculous." How bad is this movie? Well, it stars Tom Arnold and he's not the worst part of this film.
Hitch 2005 Black guys are all suave ladies' men who can teach any fat white slob how to dance and get a chick who's way too hot for him. This movie also subscribes to the idea that in a mainstream movie, the closest a black man can get to dating a white woman is to date a Hispanic woman.
Bringing Down the House 2003 It's hard to imagine a less inspired story: Nerdy, uptight upper-middle class white guy (Steve Martin) meets the misunderstood, street-wise, incarcerated black woman who shows him the error of his ways. In this movie we learn all about the differences between white people and black people: black people are in prison and white people are lawyers, black people know how to dance and party while white people do not, black people are good at hooking up while white people wouldn't even know how to procreate without help, and white people can only talk to black people by affecting a ridiculous ebonics accent.
Posts: 1026 Rank: 11 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 2/15/2007 8:07:55 AM
MIB: can't exist without the fresh prince playin the street-wise rules breaker to tommy lee jones' (is there a name that is more klan sounding than "tommy lee jones??") straight-laced, 'bout to retire guy.
forrest gump: even though it produced one of the greatest exchanges in cinema, "what are you boys, twins?? - we are of no relation sir." having the main black character be named "benjamin buford blue but you can call me bubba". seriously? can we call you "sambo"??? oh you were born with big gums & lips too?? what a coincidence... awful.
CB4 Ill lets its IMDB plot line speak for itself. " Plot Summary for CB4 (1993) A "rockumentary", covering the rise to fame of MC Gusto, Stab Master Arson, and Dead Mike: members of the rap group "CB4". We soon learn that these three are not what they seem and don't apear to know as much about rap music as they claim... but a lack of musical ability in an artist never hurts sales, does it? You've just got to play the part of a rap star...
Posts: 55 Rank: 150 Joined:
1/8/2007
Location:
Johannesburg, South Africa
Posted: 2/15/2007 9:30:16 AM
Anyone seen Tsotsi? According to that piece of crap black South Africans are either poor gangsters living in shacks and robbing the white folks or rich gangsters driving Hummers fitted with 21 inch spinners selling drugs to, you guessed it, the white folks. On the other hand, it was directed by a white guy with a total bitchin' surname, Gavin Hood. But I digress. Clichés were born in Holywood and I suppose that's why no-one wants to see a movie of a middle-class black dude with a normal nine-to-fiver and 2.5 kids who falls in love with his daughter's best friend who happens to be a cheerleader. He needs to say things like "booya!" and "mudderfugger" and he must drop a few clever one-liners to be anything in Holywood.
Hows about FRIDAY. Script written by Ice Cube and DJ Pooh
Two homies, Smokey & Craig (who gets fired on his day off), smoke up Big Worms weed and try to figure a way to get the $200 they owe the dope dealer by 10:00pm that night. In that time they smoke weed, get jacked, and they get shot at in a drive-by.
Most damning lines
I grab a dog. I choke him and I kick the shit out of him. All day long got my foot up a dog's ass. Just bang, bang, bang up his ass. That's my pleasure
No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either ya got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.
I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do
And the best of the best
Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin' up all the food. All the chitlins... All the pig's feet... All the collard greens... All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins... I like pigs feet.
How about im gonna get you sucka. Chris rock seems to be coming up a lot on this list. Although this was a blaxploitation movie it was done in 1988 thus im putting it on the list since blacks could act in them days.
Best lines Rib Joint Customer (chris Rock): Ya got any soda? Hammer: One dollar. Rib Joint Customer: Aw, c'mon, now! Look out for a brother, man, c'mon, yeah. Check this out: why don't you let me get a sip for fifteen cents? Hammer: My cups cost more than fifteen cents! Rib Joint Customer: All right, fuck the cup. Pour it in my hand for a dime.
Car door alarm: Your door is ajar... please close the door... please close the door... I SAID CLOSE THE DOOR, DICKHEAD!
Slammer: What makes you think you can be a Black hero? Jack Spade: I'm an ex-football player.
Kalinga: Yes, we marched on the Federal building. Five hundred of us young brothers, full of outrage. [sighs] They were hiring that day. The brothers came with guns; they left with jobs. Oh, yes, whitey is very tricky.
"Soul Glo"? Really? Mickey D's rip-off is way for black man to make it big. Black dudes immediately steal all of the Prince's stuff off the street. Barber shop scenes, while hilarious, are over-the-top stereotypical (and this reinforces Jethro's image of NY and black people in "the Cities."). Although they did throw a Jew in there, too ("This is nice! What is that - velvet?!"). Clincher - how do they get their "happily ever after"? They go back to Africa.
1) Pootie Tang was hilarious. Had no right being so, but it was. 2) What is it with black movies having men dressed up as fat women? Maybe it all started back with Mrs. Doubtfire, but christ, how many times will that movie be made? 3) I'm Gonna Git You Sucka was satirical, and hilarious. Same with Hollywood Shuffle ("It's hard to do the nasty with a stapler up your ass.") and Undercover Brother (gotta love the orange drink dispenser in the car).
Posts: 57 Rank: 67 Joined:
2/2/2007
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 2/15/2007 11:12:24 AM
[I should say "get some props," actually - I got my full of love last night - Chris-twine gave it gooooood - although I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was squealing out the Star Spangled Banner backwards, Not the Pledge, but close enough, you know]
How about Major League and ML II?
Wall Street (not even a token brother in the entire brokerage).
(White) Men at Work?
Two and a Half Men (no brothers allowed in Malibu)?
P.S. Does anyone know if butterscotch chips can remain, indefintely, up one's arse, or will that cause some damage? Just, uh, curious...
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Finding Forrester 2000
Radio 2003
Little Man 2006
New Jack City 1991
Pootie Tang 2001
The Adventures of Pluto Nash 2002
Big Momma's House 2000
The Wiz 1978
Soul Plane 2004
Hitch 2005
Bringing Down the House 2003
