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Not gifted
Your child is not special. Trust me. If your child's even average you should consider yourself lucky. Oh yeah, and all the below-average to moderate things your kid does? Nobody cares. Karate class? Nope. Special talents? Absolutely fucking not. School? I'd rather you tell me about your colonoscopy.
This is what I know: Despite the fact that your daughter is in the top 10 in her third grade English class, there is a better chance she will be in pornography or fast food than a successful corporate executive. In fact, unless she tycoons Muff Burger and somehow gets rich on the strange combination of French fries and sodomy, I'd be prepared to hold on to your RRSPs.
Ditto for your son. I'm sure he's overflowing with confidence because of an early growth spurt and his 1.54 Little League ERA, but despite the fact that he's dominating Tyke C powerhouses like the Louie's Gas Flames and Buck's Bullets, he still more likely to be involved in petty crime, be addicted to Arby's or a paying member of at least one a pornographic site that features your daughter's work than he does pitching in Triple-A.
The fact is that you yourself are average in every way. You live in a shit town where people overemphasize just about everything but education, you're slightly overweight and your salary is decent only when you ignore the fact that it took you 25 years to reach it. You are one of hundreds of millions of douche bags. How can you possibly expect your child's life to be any different?
Muff Burger!
Hey listen, I know how cute those little sing-alongs they do in the living room are, but that doesn't make them Broadway material any more than being at the top of their class makes them gifted. You figure in a class of 20, you've got a couple of drug addicts, a few dead-end losers, 10-15 middle of the road family assholes and one marginally successful person. But gifted? Fuck no. Gifted is discovering the cure for AIDS or creating some billion dollar technology at 12 years old. When your nine-year-old builds me a fucking robot that can create symphonies better than Mozart did when he was five, I'll put him on the gifted bus.
Average at best
What else is there to say, really? Oh, I remember. Don't get your fucking hopes up on your child meeting, let alone surpassing your expectations. Every time you blather on endlessly about how your little girl is going to make her high school soccer team, you are not only setting yourself up for disappointment, your are setting yourself up to look like a colossal dipshit two years later when she's off the team, getting a D in math and having unprotected sex with a guy four years older.
Listen, it's nothing personal, I'm just playing the probabilities. And they're not all bad, in fact there's a great chance at least one of your kids will be wholly one of the most boring human beings on the planet. Maybe they'll watch Jericho, buy a small home, have some boring ass kids of their own and join the local PTA to ensure they stay that way.
And if someday your kids get lucky and stumble ass backwards into a lot of money or a small amount of fame, you won the freaking lottery. But more than likely though they'll be crying three-four times a week because they feel like the best time of their life was at eight and their parents said they were gifted.
Get rich on the strange combination of French fries and sodomy
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Post #: 3
Posts: 16 Rank: 120 Joined:
6/11/2007
Location:
Spotsylvania, VA
Posted: 6/26/2007 9:58:36 AM
The American dream.
Good article AJ. 4 future drug addicts falling down stairs.
The worst part of these over supportive assholes is that they raise there kids to think they are great. Those jerks walk around all high and mighty, but I could totally beat their asses in a fight.
Posts: 1252 Rank: 8 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:04:06 AM
in french fries and sodomy I've looked into it.
The article was a solid 4 for me. Nice and short it got to the point and gave dumbass parents the eye opener that most of them need. I'm gonna go ahead and email this to all the parents and expecting parents that i know to bring them back to earth.
BTW Stiggs you were not the only one to make that connection, but you got it out first, good job.
Posts: 698 Rank: 18 Joined:
6/20/2007
Location:
Norristown, PA
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:08:44 AM
I tell them to expect nothing from life and that I hate them and that the white man is always lurking around to take jobs from them and steal their socks.
Sharty just mad cuz his mommy always told him he was special. Lately he's begun to realize that, not only was she a cumdrizzling whore, but also totally wrong about him.
Please let this be a reminder to all of you when you have children. No, I don't care. No, your kid is not cute or especially talented. No, I don't want to talk about it. And, No, your son does not have "a great arm". People have been aprocriating for thousands of years, I'm not impressed. And for the record, maybe you should have been a little more selective on the genes, cuz you needed all the help you could get there.
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