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Everyone hates a snitch. Snitches, or as they are also known, rats, squealers, Jonas, turncoats, Benedict Arnolds, stool pigeons, canaries, informants, finks, ratfinks, singers, snakes, tattlers, stoolies, etcetera, are the lowest of the low (along with having an awful lot of synonyms). They betray trust, break codes of silence and turn on their friends. In just about every way, they are awful people.
Then again, there are snitches that shed light on wrongs in order to make them right. Snitches that give up everything they have to point out an injustice they are in on, even if it means risking their own neck to bring it to the surface. They are, in the eyes of some, heroes. However, in the eyes of Dissections, they're just another mutha fuckin' snitch. Let's open them up and take a look inside:
Schoolyard Snitch
More commonly known as a "tattletale" within their world, the Schoolyard Snitch is a real fucking asshole. You may not have known much back then, but you always knew that. The worst part about this one is that when you beat their ass for ratting you out, they are stupid enough to tell on you again. It's all they know. So you kick their ass again... and they tell on you again. You get suspended and swear revenge, but know it's a losing battle and all the while they play the victim... and the worst part is that they're so fucking smug about it. Pricks.
Who they are: The future elementary school principals, meter maids, highway patrolmen, event security staffers, and murder victims of America.
How they drop the dime: Miss Anderson, Jimmy hit me.
He did?
Yeah, and Scott was right there and he didn't do anything.
Really.
Yeah. And he laughed at me too.
Who? Jimmy or Scott?
Both of them. Are you going to get them in trouble?
I most certainly am.
Good.
What happens if they get caught: Since you know they're just going to rat you out anyway, you figure you might as well get your money's worth. Catching the tattletale before they snitch isn't usually very hard because, idiots that they are, they usually state, "I'm telling" before they run off to rat you out. Eventually the little pricks will learn to keep their mouths shut, but unfortunately for them, this usually requires a doctor to wire it that way before they finally figure it out.
Organized Crime Snitch
This is a world in which the rat is ever-present. Anyone you work with, "family" or not, could have got picked up by the feds on a small time charge and cut a deal to save their own ass. The oath just doesn't mean what it used to. While this makes for great movie plots, in the modern world of organized crime, it creates quite a problem for everyone involved.
Who they are: They're the Henry Hills, the Donnie Brascos (agent Joe Pistone), the Anthony Moscatiellos of the world. And in the movie and TV world they're still the Henry Hills and Donnie Brascos, but they're also the Big Pussies, Billy Costigans, and Frank Pantangelis (almost).
How they drop the dime: Eh, Frankie! How we doin'?
Not bad.
Frankie, how about that thing? What's goin' on with that thing?
Why would you ask me that?
What? You think I'm wearin' a wire? I ain't wearin' no wire. I just wanna know.
Sure. That thing got taken care of.
Yeah? Could you uh, I don't know, be a bit more specific?
Why?
No reason. Just the same though, what exactly happened to that thing?
That thing got filled with lead and dumped in the East River.
Eh, nice! That's good, right? Say, by the way, what was the name of that thing?
You sure you're not wearin' a wire?
Yeah, I'm sure.
If you say so. That thing was Rocco Santrioli.
Yeah, right. Rocco. Could you spell his last name?
What happens if they get caught: To the Organized Crime snitch that gets caught, death is a certainty. The only question is, how creative are they going to get with your murder? An example has to be set for anyone else considering becoming a songbird, so don't expect anything quick and painless. Your best hope is to have a trigger-happy rookie make the hit, but with your luck you'll get the sadistic veteran with an affinity for razor blades and alcohol. But hey, that's life.
Posts: 1517 Rank: 4 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 7/31/2007 7:28:01 AM
1. Yes, I can't believe there have actually been half as many Arena Bowls as Super Bowls.
2. It might be kind of cool to see the Commish get whacked. He should at least get slapped around for changing the ball this season...and then changing it back. Jesus, that was stupid.
3. No, Barry Bonds is the fucking man. I don't really care if he juiced or not. It seems that a lot of people have. And, since he's never failed a test tehn who the fuck cares. Just start testing now and lets move on. Anyone mentioning the word "asterisk" in this space should be bludgeoned to death with a Fungo bat.
Who's the guy in the organized crime snitch photo? Is that Henry Hill? How has he not gotten clipped yet? What a smug bastard.
1) Yes and halfway through the second quarter I thought to myself " this sucks" and realized why I never watch that poor excuse of a game. I favor/enjoy defense in football. The Japan-USA Bowl was a better observance. no shit they have the " Rice Bowl". fell out of my chair when the announcer said that.
2) I hope that Stern is found alive, tied up in the back of a '77 cadillac el dorado in up state New York and the first words out his mouth are "I'm retiring".
3) I just want Bonds to wear the wig and sun dress again. is that too much to ask?
Posts: 692 Rank: 18 Joined:
6/20/2007
Location:
Norristown, PA
Posted: 7/31/2007 8:40:45 AM
Except its stuff I didn't do.
Last month, somebody stole $60 worth of large envelope stamps out of our office and she keeps trying to blame me. What the fuck am I supposed to do with lots of stamps? Exchange them on the street for coke? Put them on the black market?
Congrates to Mister Horse Fister on 100 posts!!
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Post #: 5
Posts: 80 Rank: 89 Joined:
7/16/2007
Location:
Hell, KY
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:19:34 AM
"mister richard smoker you're a poopy poker chardonnay and cocaine in the spa cigarettes and coffee breath little boys on crystal meth tonight we'll tango in the street you eat dog meat"
Posts: 1252 Rank: 8 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:34:58 AM
1. Arena Bowl - who cares 2. Could give a fuck about the NBA, I hope all those overpayed thugs end up without a job. 3. I'm with Balls on this...He never tested positive! and, guess what, juice doesn't give you a good eye, the fucking guy (as of yesterday) still has been walked more than anybody else this season. He's gonna get 3,000 hits after he breaks the HR record, he is probably 1 of the 3 best all-time ball players period.
I wish Muenster would post more and E.Frank would post less, by less i mean never again.
Filth - I bet the snitch is white woman approx 55-60yrs old from suburbia, "It's got to be the dark one over there" *pointing at Mr. Filth's clavicals*
Posts: 692 Rank: 18 Joined:
6/20/2007
Location:
Norristown, PA
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:46:30 AM
She's a 55 year old Irish woman from the suburbs.
I try to be kind, but Evil Frank is not funny. But we need people like him to get Horn Wallace, Antony and BigNick so they can be funnier. Its a nesscessary evil.
I agree that steroids have nothing to do with hitting a ball. As strong as I am, I can't even make contact with the damned thing.
Posts: 65 Rank: 96 Joined:
7/12/2007
Location:
Buffalo, NY
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:49:32 AM
Bonds is, in my eyes, the biggest douchebag in all of sports. Not only does he have the worst personality, but whenever a reporter even mentions his obvious steroid use, he turns the conversation in to a fucking persecution so the reporter looks like the asshole. I'm sorry, but I sincerely hope somebody shoots the prick on his record tying at bat. I'm sure everyone here will disagree with me, but i don't give a shit. He would be nothing without roids.
Posts: 562 Rank: 21 Joined:
12/8/2006
Location:
north babylon, NY
Posted: 7/31/2007 9:50:07 AM
1. I had no fucking clue (or care) that Arena Football was up to 21. Number of Arena Bowls: 21. Approximate number of seconds I've spent in my life watching Arena Football: 21. Coincidence?
2. I could give a fuck about the NBA. All these ball hogging, stylin and profilin, no defense playing, thugs have ruined the game. I wish the NBA would go back to what it used to stand for: No Blacks Allowed.
3. Leave it to BigNick to defend the steroid user. Sticking up for your brethren huh Nicky boy? Bonds was a great player before he became a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Ballon. Who cares how many homeruns he hits? We all know it'll be a moot point in about 6-7 years when A-Rod passes Bonds anyway.
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Schoolyard Snitch
Organized Crime Snitch
