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Every other Thursday, Charlie DeMarco looks at another asshole who desperately deserves a life-changing physical assault.

by: CHARLIE DEMARCO
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'Anybody seen A.C.?'
Who else could it be...

OJ Simpson
Fuckin' OJ... If you somehow manage to get acquitted of double-murder despite the fact that everyone on earth knows you did it, wouldn't you keep your nose clean? Wouldn't you make absolutely certain that no judge ever gets the chance to exact revenge for the single most publicized miscarriage of justice in American history? Of course you would.

But not O.J. Simpson. He sets up his own personal sting operation aimed at a guy who had stolen some of his memorabilia. Among it, priceless items like a photo of O.J. and J. Edgar Hoover (?!). His plan was to organize a meeting with the thieves in a Las Vegas hotel, and upon seeing his stolen property to take it back, by force if necessary.

His brilliant sting didn't exactly go as planned:



First of all, O.J. has been watching too many gangster movies. Motherfucker! You think you can steal my shit, and sell it?!" Do you realize O.J. is 60-years-old? He sounds like some idiot thug teenager.

Secondly, he is brandishing a firearm while doing all of this! Now, I'm not a lawyer, but if I were, one of the first things I would tell all of my clients is to never break into a Las Vegas hotel room with a gun. As surprising as it may sound, armed robbery in a casino is not looked upon kindly by the authorities in Clark County.

Earlier this week, Nevada District Attorney charged Simpson, with multiple felonies, including criminal conspiracy, kidnapping, assault, robbery, and using a deadly weapon. He faces up to 60 years in prison.

What robs in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Of course Court TV jumped on the story. The chance to spend months, maybe years, rehashing the grizzly murders that launched their network made dicks hard in every office at the cable channel. "Entertainment Tonight" sent a familiar, if unpleasant face to cover the story: former prosecutor Marsha Clark. It's like 1989 all over again. Paula Abdul is probably preparing a comeback.

Watching these sharks circle for the chance to dig up Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman and fuck their corpses for profit is despicable, but if O.J. ends up spending the rest of his life in prison, it'll be worth it.



Donovan McNabb
Earlier this week in an interview with HBO's James Brown, struggling Philly QB, Donovan McNabb, said that black quarterbacks face more pressure and more criticism than white quarterbacks. Whether this is true or not is debatable. What is obvious is that Donovan McNabb should keep his mouth shut about it.

Philly fans boo everyone, but I don't remember the crowd cheering when he was injured last year. I do remember that happening to two white quarterbacks: Chad Pennington two weeks ago and to Tim Couch a few years ago. The race card just doesn't hold up. Certainly there is a history of prejudice at the QB position, but in today's NFL you'd be hard pressed to make that case.

More importantly, McNabb is in no position to make this claim. You make millions of dollars to play a game and to deal with the criticism and pressure of playing QB in the NFL. He's never played in any other city, and any attempt to compare the pressure on one guy vs. another is purely speculation. Even a completely unbiased observer would be hard pressed to make a meaningful comparison of the pressure on two QBs. There are just too many factors, and most would come way before race: the city, team expectations, contract, character, history, age, team's offensive philosophy, ability of surrounding skill players, etc.

To be honest, I like McNabb. He seems like a genuinely good guy who is usually pretty funny in interviews. Being clever was working for him. He should take Tyler Durdan's advice and, "Stick with it then." What he shouldn't do is complain about the criticism he's getting when he 1-6 in his last seven games. Maybe, just maybe, it isn't because he's black.
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COMMENTS  1-10 out of 124 Post Comment Message Board View
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Spartan McDrab () Post #: 1
View Profile Posts: 1913
Rank: 6
Joined:  2/27/2007
Location:  Ventura, CA
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:34:03 PM
McNabb is a fucking douche. Why do blacks keep pointing out something that hasn't existed in over 40 years? There is no prejudice anymore! GET OVER IT!!!! You all have way more programs in place in this country to help you suceed than any other race.
Racism would go away if you just shut the fuck up about it and quit perpetuating this self-fulfilling prophecy of oppression and degredation, you hate-mongers!!

God. I fuckin' hate black people.
Spartan Helllllo???!!! () Post #: 2
View Profile Posts: 1913
Rank: 6
Joined:  2/27/2007
Location:  Ventura, CA
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:46:13 PM
Where did everyone go?

Did everybody get kicked out again?


aghababa drink apple juice because OJ will kill you () Post #: 3
View Profile Posts: 89
Rank: 49
Joined:  8/29/2007
Location:  Brighton, MA
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:49:59 PM
I agree with you ONE HUNDRED PERCENT! It is completely beyond me why blacks don't take advantage of their BLESSINGS. They need to stop kidding themselves. It takes DECENCY and HARD WORK to get ahead in this country!!

I AM SO ANGRY!!

"LOUD NOISES!!!!"
T-Bone Speaking of angry nougats.... () Post #: 4
View Profile Posts: 216
Rank: 100
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  CS, TX
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:02:02 PM
AB, please tell 'your boys' at "The U" to refrain from shooting/curb stomping/impregnating the boys from my alma mater tonight..........at least not the white ones.
Annabelle B. OJ () Post #: 5
View Profile Posts: 134
Rank: 69
Joined:  8/22/2007
Location:  Calhoun, TN
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:08:33 PM
I was wondering when OJ would be brought up on here. Much to my pleasure, it was this morning. He's got to be the dumbest motherfucker alive. Hey, here's an idea OJ. You're an old man that's already beat 2 murder charges. STAY OUTTA TROUBLE. Play some shuffleboard at the senior center or sit quietly as home with the satisfaction that you aren't in jail and you got to keep your money by transferring it into your daughter's name (no doubt at the suggestion of your lawyers-doubt he's smart enough to figure that out on his own.)

Spartan, excellent approach to racism. Ignore it and it will go away. That's exactly the same approach I take to finding a bug in my house.
T-Bone But... () Post #: 6
View Profile Posts: 216
Rank: 100
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  CS, TX
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:08:42 PM
Feel free to shoot, curb stomp, and/or anal hate the coach, Franchione. I really hate that guy.....all he does is look at his little laminated play sheet, pausing only to look up and watch whatever shitty play he just called not work. Sometimes I imagine he's playing tic-tac-toe with himself on a piece of paper hidden behind the play sheet.......and losing.
BearNuts ...well what do you expect? () Post #: 7
View Profile Posts: 545
Rank: 7
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  Interview #4: Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:13:14 PM
God bless the media.

The war isn't selling right now, the presidential candidates are all boring as shit since they're all too terrified to say anything that remotely resembles an opinion, and the economy appears to be on the rise... So what should our fateful left leaning (read: bought a condo on the left in the 50's) media report on?

Racial tensions of course!!


er...What's that? There aren't many of those any more? Well find them!! Get Sharpton on the phone...i'm sure he can stir up a hornet's nest!
EVIL FRANK T-Bone () Post #: 8
View Profile Posts: 341
Rank: 20
Joined:  8/5/2007
Location:  La Crosse, WI
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:15:10 PM
I lose every game of Tic Tac Toe I play against myself.
But I also win every game I play against myself.

It still was funny.



deuce entitlement () Post #: 9
View Profile Posts: 1023
Rank: 11
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  two up two down, VA
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:15:46 PM
not sure if it's race specific or not but - hey donavan, quit blowing out your knees every other week & then whining like a bitch when the *TEAM* that has shelled out millions to you for playing a kids game decides to invest in its future by drafting a high round QB. this *is* your 9th season - don't be such a selfish fucking prick.

i used to like you even though you play for a team i hate. you're a fucking fullback that can throw a football very *very* well. enjoy it, asshole.
deuce p.s. () Post #: 10
View Profile Posts: 1023
Rank: 11
Joined:  12/7/2006
Location:  two up two down, VA
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:24:05 PM
charlie - phenomenal article..
i'm impressed that you were able to keep enough composure to even *write* about orenthal without headbutting a table saw.

5ives.
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