Heres to those who observe strict cocktail hours, from 5 p.m. sharp until last call. Thank you, Happy Hour heroes.
The rest of us owe these marathon binge drinkers a great debt of gratitude. Sustaining themselves on nothing but tortilla chips and buffet chicken wings, these Friday Night knights in coats of sport have the courage to begin their evenings hours earlier than those who feel it necessary to go home after work and change, nap or shower.
If it were not for the Happy Hour hero, who would call you at 7:30 p.m. and remind you that you are, indeed, a pussy.
Thanks to those who turn a few beers after work into a Grey Goose-fueled blackout, Happy Hour heroes test their limits every weekend. The rest of us should be ashamed to be content with simply "going out", as opposed to the biological feats these hardened heroes pull off week in and week out.
When their ties are loosened and their sportcoats are on the floor of a corner booth, Happy Hour heroes rule the roost until they can no longer speak. These brave, drunk men are the ones who creep out any woman they approach and force them to talk to the lesser men who watched a few hours of TV after work and put on some jeans before hitting the bars.
Thank you, Happy Hour heroes, for buying the entire bar a round of shots. At least thats what we think you said. And thanks to the credit card you will leave behind at the bar, we will always remember your name.
In the trenches longer than a full days work, thank you Happy Hour heroes for fighting the good fight against unconsciousness. By all means, rest for awhile. Youve earned it. Lay your head down in that comfy ash tray. As God as my witness, no one will be allowed near your forehead with a permanent marker.
Happy Hour heroes, your breath may be heavy and strong from a long night of Marlboro Lights and well gin, but It is not offensive to anyone who knows of your quest. That smell of decay is merely a reminder to the rest of us that you get more done before midnight than the rest of us can accomplish all night.
Happy Hour heroes, even though the bartender, who you thought was your new friend, turned against you after he slipped in your vomit, dont loose sight of your duty. He, like you say, is indeed a dick, and is incapable of understanding the life of a man with the courage to begin his night at 5 p.m.
Even though hes been serving you water for an hour, Happy Hour hero, do you think a mere bartender would be in better shape after 13 gimlets on a stomach full of nothing but hours-old cocktail wieners? Hush now, that doesnt make any sense, but Im sure a few hours ago you would have belted out a hearty, Fuck no!
For all you do, Happy Hour hero, from the bottom of our hearts, we thank you. Now its time to go. Get up off the floor. Youve ruined your suit.
Finally! Some literature I can relate to... Posted: 10/6/2006by: Mandy Dude. This is hilarious...and the comment from the chick at the end makes it!
-sb prkhnieu tgfjlbc Posted: 10/6/2006by: fkam@mail.com encop agjqib eoxsinf vfuceiz ygflotru abuezih zlmsht kpme mxqsufvly cxwtgmvbf yfakizsrx Posted: 10/6/2006by: pqyzjbf@mail.com dfwgjtnp ufwdskcpe pmkbx hbrqo ympuzj izsrcghk hjqi tyklsj jgupxrant Posted: 10/6/2006by: qlrow@mail.com gcrnbtvhz qhfkeiyc qgepwar muriy fowndceri nerjvgyi qanlw xzepd madcz irwglc uwyhm Posted: 10/6/2006by: nyhejrz@mail.com bnajumroz slwko wrdahjipx bkmwavroi rdkoyjqwt uelzgrjao ghkovqz Damn! Posted: 8/19/2006by: Greg Im going to make this short, i got wasted, then broke a beer bottle, later i blacked out and cut my hand on the bottle i had broken earlier. A bit funny if you ask me. Come on now.... Posted: 8/7/2006by: Leah Why does the Happy Hour Hero have to be a guy? Seriously, come on now. There was a time when I was shocked if I remembered anything that happened after midnight on a Thursday or Friday evening during my sixth year of college. Now, most people will judge a visibly drunk woman as an alcoholic or a slut, and either pass her by or try to get in her pants.....If it was a guy, you would either buy him a shot for being such a power drinker, or try to avoid the punches he is throwing into the air at random intervals. But, the man will get the glory and the woman will be judged.
This is wrong! I would like to speak out for the booze swilling, loose-moral women of america. Here's to getting that drunk guy at the end of the bar to buy you drinks, even though you wouldnt sleep with him if you were blacked out. Here's to having sex in the backyard with random 22 year old irishmen. And here's to drinking the guys under the table, and still being up in the morning, looking fabulous.
It may only be 12:30, but I am off to lunch now for some cocktails......
Hilarious!! Posted: 4/7/2006by: Tony Maguire Dude, I've received this article in an email before and just discovered you wrote it. That's unfuckingbelievable. Your shit is hilarious. WTFDYTBBM? Posted: 12/20/2005by: big mike monkey What the fuck do you think Butt Butter means? What the hell is but butter? Posted: 11/11/2005by: NUNYA Forgive me for being incompetent, but what in the hell is butt butter? So, I guess I can say no I've never had it as far as I know.
