CASTLE GREYSKULL- Cringer, the cowardly green tiger and long time companion of Prince Adam of Eternia, has died after a lengthy struggle with Feline AIDS, a spokesman for the Royal Palace of Eternos told The Associated Press on Thursday.
Cringer was surrounded by a small group of friends and loved ones when he passed away, including Prince Adam, King Randor, and Queen Marlena.
"He was my everything and I will love him forever," Prince Adam said in a written statement. At this time, we ask that you please respect our privacy as we mourn our loss.
Cringers public life seemed to consist mainly of sleeping, eating, and avoiding danger at all costs. But the tabloids have repeatedly accused the cat of leading a double life as the flamboyant, mask-wearing homosexual diva known to Eternias gay club scene as Battle Cat.
Come on, Cringer, we've got work to do.
This was the royal familys first public acknowledgement of Cringers illness. In the past, the Royal Palace had refused to comment on Cringers health, and had denied all rumors of a secret identity. The circumstances surrounding Cringers death are all but certain to fuel further speculation.
He was ridiculous, said Orko, an openly homosexual magician who claims to have spotted Cringer at Snake Mountain, a popular gay nightclub.
My boyfriend Fisto and I saw him wearing a saddle and being ridden by some greasy half-naked he-man, Orko said. "I went over to tell him hello, and he was all like What? Whos Cringer? My names Battle Cat! Please! Like that dreadful mask was going to fool anybody. How tacky!
Added Orko, Hey, whatever gets you off, sweetheart.
Regardless of the validity of these claims, some believe that Cringers death should serve at as a wake up call to the dangers of Feline AIDS.
Instead of launching preemptive wars against Skeletor or Hordak the Royal Family should be funding FIV prevention programs, said Ram Man, a prominent Eternian gay rights activist. Maybe if they listened to the medical community rather than religious wackos like the Sorceress of Castle Grayskull, Cringer might still be alive.
Man-at-Arms, a long time associate of the royal family, described Ram Mans statements as the worst kind of Monday morning-quarterbacking.
Top: Battle Cat - Bottom: Man-At-Arms
Its time (Ram Man) started thinking about how he and his community would be treated if Skeletor was in charge, Man-at-Arms said. The royal family did everything it could for Cringer. Especially Prince Adam. He is the kindest, strongest, and most beautiful man Ive ever known.
Added Man-at-Arms, That came out wrong. Please dont print that. Im not gay. What, is it the moustache?
A private memorial service will be held on Saturday at Castle Grayskull.
Classic show Posted: 2/4/2006by: Bennie He-Man...what a show. I watched a Christmas episode where He-Man gets transported into the real world and discovers the true meaning of Christmas from some kid: "It's about getting presents!"
So bad it was good. To top it all off, there'd be some lame "moral" at the end, like get some exercise, don't cheat and avoid strangers. no Posted: 12/19/2005by: no Am I missing something? This article fucking blows. Why is it rated so high? not bad but Posted: 9/29/2005by: Hope He-Man was definitely gay. Cringer was just frigid. No Skunkor Posted: 9/29/2005by: Chief Awsome article,
No mention of Skunkor though. I know there is a story behind that smell.... Smurfs! Posted: 9/29/2005by: HMK Hey don't ya think the smurfs would be a good story line? Geez it has endless subject matter, please, please somebody write that article. I will hold my breath until I turn blue. Yes! Yes! Yes! Posted: 9/29/2005by: Stu P About the funniest article to come along in a long time! Good Job, Gayson Posted: 9/29/2005by: LH Jesus! He-Man really was the gayest show ever! Hells yeah!! Posted: 9/29/2005by: matt I had a buddy that got all sad when his cat died of feline aids. When he told us we laughed, sorry but how can you not laugh. Great article, keep it up. re:good Posted: 9/29/2005by: Dave Well, he-man and she-ra were brother and sister. So that would have made almost no sense at all for him to be 'pounding the pootenanny' out of her.
But all in all a decent enough read. outting Posted: 9/29/2005by: He Man I have to admit... I also saw fistor out in the "scene" from time to time...
