EL PASO, Texas- After years of maintaining a blatantly audible presence in both home and work environments, the farts of legal clerk Kevin Baker, 32, recently broke from the rank and file of his peers and entered what political-leaning fart analysts refer to as the Silent but Deadly Majority.
Baker had previously established himself as an outgoing and outspoken farter, a man whos position on and proclivity to his own farts and their potential effects seemed to be broadcasted to any and all with ear/nose-shot. Friend and coworker Colin Daniels has shared an office with Mr. Baker for more than three years.
Kevin was the type guy who proudly wore his farts on his sleeveis that possible? Cause, cause if it is, then he did it, said Mr. Daniels. When I think of Kevin, I picture a guy telling everyone in the room to be quiet, slowly raising his hand, his eyes shifting back and forth. Hed grin and say, Wait for it..wait for itah, ah!!! then lift a leg and rip one that sounded like a chainsaw being pulled through a running outboard motor in a wind tunnel. High fives followed.
The fact that hes now one of those geeks who keeps his farts to himself blows my mind. If I cant count on my man to blast one out now and then, my day is gonna be a lot more depressing. I fell like Kev is letting everybody down. Hes letting me down. Id like to be alone now.
Baker feels that the issue is being blown out of proportion. Sure, I used to cut one loose every now and then, ya know, for a laugh. But as Ive got older, there are things I feel should remain private. My secretary doesnt make an announcement to the office when she has to use the restroom. Why should I broadcast to the world that I had pulled pork for lunch? They dont need to know this.
Colleagues noted that Mr. Bakers change in farting behavior coincided with the start of a recent relationship with Kimberly Marks, 29, his first significant other in more than four years.
Its sad to see a man change into something that he is not, said Daniels. I at least hope he gives Kim a good Dutch Oven when theyre in bed.
of course they are Posted: 11/11/2005by: ericatruth farts always make for good readin'
http://pissedoffwhitemen.5u.com Cabbage Posted: 11/10/2005by: Lorenzo Cabbage is not extinct. Cole slaw. What? Posted: 11/10/2005by: PopaSmurf People still eat cabbage? I thought cabbage was extinct. Pull my finger Posted: 11/10/2005by: Soylent Green Nice article... made me laugh. This from a guy whos farts are loud AND stinky... my shit stinks too. stu you missed one.. Posted: 11/10/2005by: deuce 'jerome' has a fondness for post consumption shits as well.... Mike & JJ Posted: 11/10/2005by: Stu Mike & JJ; you may want to change your email addresses before you start telling everyone how great your comments were.
About the article: funny stuff!
Deuce and Christine Posted: 11/10/2005by: Yakov Correction - he meant he was drinking just Budweiser the whole night.
What a country! Mike Posted: 11/10/2005by: JJ That comment was so funny, I almost shit myself and stunk up my office! I think he is a phatphree writer. . . . . . Posted: 11/10/2005by: Christine No its ok for you to be a dick every now and then, because you are usually nice.
In other news, Mike's comment was so vivid that I will never see cabbage in the same light again. Stink Posted: 11/10/2005by: Mike I usually stink up the whole office so bad, that people think there is a sewer leak. I guess that can be expected when you have 3 cabbage sandwiches smothered with mayonnaise and a Dr. Pepper for lunch!!
