After nearly three weeks of work at the De Soto Notary and Bonds Company on Maple Crest Ave., Suite 215, Notary Public Jonathon Lowder still has absolutely no idea what his job entails. While he enjoys his co-workers, and is excited to be receiving a steady paycheck, he admits to being entirely clueless as to what a Notary Public actually does on a day-to-day basis.
Truthfully, Im not really sure how I got this job, says Lowder, 32, while leaning back in his chair and dragging an emery board across his fingernails. The dust from his nails falls gently like snow onto his desk; he puts his filer down and leans forward, pushing the shavings together to form a small, white mound. I remember filling out a mail-in rebate for a blender I had just purchased, and then a week later I got a certificate in the mail saying that I was a Notary Public. I had heard of the job before, and I wasnt working at the time, so I was like, Ummmsure. Why not? Lowder takes a deep breath and blows the mound of nail shavings off the desk. They disappear in a cloud as he leans back in his chair and lets out a chuckle and a fart in perfect synchronicity.
I called my Dad when I got the job, Lowder beams. He said, A Notary Public? What the fuck do they do? I said, I dont know!
But here I am. And I have all these cool, official-looking seals that I stamp on my roommates head while hes sleeping.
Lowders colleagues have been quick to welcome him to the office. Senior Notary Kevin Dimato feels that Lowder has all the tools it takes to be successful in the Notary Business. Jonathon reminds me of myself at that age. I can tell hes the type of young go-getter who got into the biz for one reason and one reason alone: he loves to notarize things.
I remember those early daysit was a different time, a wilder time. Youd meet up with a guy downtown in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain, ready to notarize anything. Some junkie once asked me if I could notarize his cat.
I told him, I will notarize the shit out of that fucking cat. I see that same fire in Jonathon.
When asked if he plans on making a career out of his current job, Lowder is unsure. Uhh..I guess Id keep doing this for a while. I heard from some guy I know from school that notarizing has something to do with deeds or affidavits, and that sounds kind of lame whatever it means. But I can afford drinks at the bars now, and I got laid this weekend. Lowder leans back in his chair and begins to file his nails once more.
The chick I boned asked me what I did, and I told her. When she asked me what a Notary Public was, I just laughed and forced another Kamikaze down her throat. A Kamikaze that I had bought with MY money.
I ended up railing her against a mailbox outside the bar. I love my job.
Local Tough Posted: 6/9/2005by: Nitetrain Lane What's up bitch? Long time no talk. I just had my receptionist at the office (all of our receptionists are liscensed notaries) notarize an affidavit for me. Funny how the world works. All's well in Chi-town, we should get back in touch.
-Nick title Posted: 4/16/2005by: jamie i know adam personally, and you should all know that he put himself through college working part time as a notary. Notary Public Posted: 4/16/2005by: Skrid jr Someone once told me my Mom was a Notary Public so I punched him. Yeah, I have no clue what they do. Renegade Notary Posted: 4/15/2005by: Noah Adam, looks like you found your renegade notary public...see comment below. Funny as hell Posted: 4/15/2005by: Avondale I used to do this shit for the bank I worked for....man, I laughed my ass off at this articel-- I would notorize every-fucking-thing just for kicks. Cocktail napkins, beer bottle labels, condom packages, hat brims, cig boxes, you fucking name it. Needless to say when my year ran out, the bank didn't renew it for me.
