 | Concerned Parent |
TOPEKA, KANSAS Allan Norton, a longtime homosexual pornography actor and concerned member of the Shawnee County Unified School District PTA, lashed out this week against those in the educational and journalistic fields that he feels are, Shoving an unproven theory down our childrens throats. Evolution has no place in our schools.
Norton, well known for his roles in Geranalmo, Tea Bagger Vance, and the bi-weekly Wednesday night School Board meetings, strongly feels that evolution should not be required curriculum in local schools. "School science classes are teaching children that life evolved naturally and randomly," Norton said, arguing that this was in conflict with Biblical teachings that God created life.
"They are offering an answer that may be in conflict with religious views," Norton told reporters visiting him on the set of his latest film, White Men Cant Iron on Butt Row. "Part of our overall goal is to remove the bias against religion that is currently in schools. This is a scientific controversy that has powerful religious implications."
A while back, I asked my son what he learned in school that day, and he went into some long explanation of how monkeys came down from the trees, slowly developed tools, and eventually evolved into modern day human beings. Hold onjust one second.
Norton paused and stripped naked, while a tall, lean, hairless man coated him in Vaseline. Mr. Norton made his way over to a table, and lay on his back.
Norton continued. Theeeeerrrre we go. Where was I? Oh, yeah, so then my son starts talking about the extensive fossil record and cross-species similarities that seem to defy any statistical doubt. Wait, one more time. Gimme a sec.
The hairless man clenched a feather duster between his teeth, while Mr. Norton placed both legs straight up in the air, grabbing his ankles from the front in a sort of Flying V position.
Well, let me tell you, I know for a fact that my family didnt come from any tree dwelling hair-bag that eats the bugs it picks out of his friends hair. Frankly, I find that entire notion to be offensive and disgusting.
Norton, and many other homosexual porn stars subscribe to a recently developed theory known as Intelligent Design. This theory postulates that some features of the natural world, because of their well-ordered complexities, are best explained by an intelligent cause.
 | The Board |
You mean to, ow, tell me that, ugh, someone other than God in heaven, oh, could have been able to, mmm, create something as complex and amazing, yeahhhh, mmmm, yeah, as the cosmos? said a assertive Norton as the cameras rolled and he was railed from behind.
I dont want my children to grow up in a world where so-called science and facts prevent them from knowing and understanding the true nature of God and his place in the creation of all things. We are not monkey people.
Norton finished talking, douched his asshole, and prepared for the prison shower scene that he would be filming in fifteen minutes.
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