First off, we apologize for the grievously late turnaround for the Phat Phree Major League Baseball Preview. We're well-aware that the season actually began last week, and if we had any kind of goddamned sense whatsoever, we would've published this thing in late March, or at any rate some other time prior to the beginning of the season.
Second off, we'd like to point out that currently the Detroit Tigers are in first place in the American League Central, which means it's still April, and we still have no fucking clue as to what the standings are going to look like at the end of September. So pre-emptively, get up off our backs.
Besides, the NL Preview is going to be even later.
On to Part One of the Phat Phree's Late-Ass Major League Preview, where we cover the only league that really matters: the American League.
AL East Preview By Matt McCoy
Red Sox 91-71 Yankees 90-72 Blue Jays 85-77 Rays 69-93 Orioles 62-100
The A.L. East in 2006 will be the baseball equivalent to the Big East in college basketball theyre going to beat the shit out of each other all year. And when that little nerd Brian Cashman is fired by George Steinbrenner because the Yankees dont make the playoffs, he can blame Bud Selig and Torontos General Manager, J.P. Ricciardi. Why? The unbalanced schedule, meaning each team plays those in their division nineteen times, will cost the American League East the Wild Card berth this year.
Now for the team-by-team analysis:
Baltimore Orioles
"Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids, period. I dont know how to say it any more clearly than that. Never." -Rafael Palmeiro Congressional hearing on steroids in baseball March 17, 2005
Raf really slinked out of baseball, didnt he? Well, someone has to pay for that sneaky Cubans lies and deception. And as a big believer in karmic retribution, I firmly believe the Orioles have already begun paying the piper for that cheaters perjury. Some terms of derailment:
-During the off-season, the Orioles lost one of the Leagues best closers in B.J. Ryan to the Blue Jays and their shopaholic General Manager, J.P. Ricciardi (well get to this little pisser and his much bigger allowance in a bit).
-Javy Lopez continues to plague the roster since duping the franchise into paying him mucho dinero as a result of his steroid-assisted career bests with Atlanta a few years ago. Hi, Javy? Yeah, its Senator George Mitchell calling. I have a few questions for you about 2003. Got a minute?
-Their star shortstop, Miguel Tejada, was the subject of multiple trade rumors throughout the season and isnt shy about letting people he hates being on a losing team.
-Melvin Mora continues his epic contract bitchfest even as this preview is penned.
-Kevin Millar was brought in to provide some extra pop in the lineup, even though he has more holes in his swing than Tom Selleck in Mr. Baseball.
-Newly acquired pitcher Kris Benson just announced a divorce from his publicity slutbag of a wife, Anna Benson. Predicting that floozy would bail on her hubby the minute he got banished to the shipping ports of Baltimore from the glitterati of New York was as easy as my call in 1989 that a kiddie porn bust would eventually hit N.A.S.A.
But its not all bad news for the Orioles heading into the 2006 season. Out of obvious fear of reprisals from the notorious Baltimore wharf mafia community, upon firing manager Lee Mazzilli, the Os promoted fellow guinzo Sam Perlozzo, to manager. And they also brought on the legendary Leo Mazzone as pitching coach for good measure. So all is good on the Wop front. My only question here is: can Perlozzo deal with Mazzones mental patient-like rocking on the bench for 162 games? He may shoot the fucker. And the curse of Palmeiro will continue on.
The Orioles had a 4.56 club ERA in 2005, 23rd in all of baseball. Even with the addition of Benson and Coach Mazzone, the Os will struggle mightily this year. Despite overachieving jockey of a second baseman Brian Roberts returning to health from a broken arm, I suggest Os fans (all six of them left) should get themselves comfortable with the term basement dwellers. Because theyll be hearing it consistently used in reference to their team for at least five months. And NO, Bruce Chen is not going to have a breakthrough season.
Boston Red Sox
No team has had more injury certainties factored into their 2006 projections than the Red Sox. The speculation surrounding starters Schilling, Wells and Beckett, in addition to closer Keith Foulke are understandable, but a bit overblown relative to others, particularly their rival in the Bronx. There are other, more tangible concerns on which the experts should be focusing:
Aside from Manny and Big Papi, arguably baseballs best 1-2 punch since Maris and Mantle, the Red Sox lineup is full of question marks:
-Kevin Youkilis, now trying his hand at first base, despite being dubbed the Greek God of Walks in the famed book Moneyball, has never been first on a major league depth chart.
-Edgar Renterias replacement at shortstop, while a defensive upgrade almost by default, swings an unfortunate Nerf bat similar to Renterias.
-In replacing Johnny Damon, the Sox couldnt have done better than signing Coco Crisp. Despite being much cheaper, a better fielder and younger, hes still no Damon. Personally, Im more curious as to how Bostonians are going to manage pronouncing his name in their historic accent. I think its impossible.
-Mike Lowell, like Javy Lopez, is a big steroid cheater. He just did it for a few more years than Javy did. The only reason he wont get sniped while walking by the Cask n Flagon one night after another 0-6 performance at the plate is that hes a Gold Glove third baseman.
-Newly acquired from the Padres where he was injured for most of 2005, Mark Lorettas offensive output in 2006 is anyones guess.
-Tim Wakefields personal knuckleball catcher, Doug Mirabelli was sent to the Padres as part of the Loretta deal. This will be a running saga all year, as passed ball after passed ball is allowed by whoever gets the job.
-Freddy Kruger look-alike and middle reliever Julian Tavarez will only be a distraction in the clubhouse. He lived up to his billing earlier than most expected by randomly limp-wristing the Devil Rays Joey Gathright in a recent spring training game.
Despite all these question marks, the Red Sox will surprise a lot of people this year. Its fair to say that success from a team with a payroll the size of theirs cant qualify as a surprise. But the naysayers have been hatin on Theos restructuring the entire off-season. Therefore, an exception can be made in this case. Now for the positives:
-The defense behind their pitching staff is unmatched in baseball.
-After having endured the most difficult year in his career last season, Schillings fastball appears to have life on it once again. If he would only stop talking about God and calling in to the local talk shows.
-When Josh Beckett blows his nose, adrenaline comes out first, then the snot. While National League pitchers traditionally struggle with the switch to the American League, Becketts a gamer and will rise to a level the city will demand.
-Until he gives birth sometime in July, David Wells will be dominant in Fenway Park yet again.
-Trot Nixons in a contract year. NEVER underestimate the contract year factor. Its enormous. If his familys livelihood isnt enough motivation, the Sox signed fellow right fielder Wily Mo Pena, and subsequently touted him as a big part of the teams future. Trust me, this brilliant Epstein move will no doubt light Nixons fire.
-Their starting pitching staff is deep. A year ago, the Sox bullpen was the worst in the American League, with a 5.15 ERA. This year, it may be one of the best. Keep your eye out for the next Clemens, Jonathan Papelbon, to be shifted out of the pen and a factor in the starting rotation shortly following the All-Star break. In 1988 Topps-speak, hes a Future Star.
Oh yeah, look for Roger Clemens to makes amends with the Fenway Faithful and join the club sometime in June.
The New York Yankees
Damon, Jeter, ARod, Sheffield, Matsui, Giambi, Posada, Cano, Bernie = 1,000 runs scored in 2006. Thats how you mash your way to a division title in baseball these days. And because of it, Steinbrenner is strutting around in his baffling turtleneck and blazer uniform like a bloated peacock, proclaiming the teams return to glory and practically guaranteeing their fans a World Series title.
1000 runs scored. Pow. Thats how you sell tickets. But how many will they give up? The Yankees haven't won the World Series since beating the New York Mets in 2000. They lost to Arizona in 2001 and to Florida in 2003, were eliminated by the Angels in the first round of the playoffs in 2002 and 2005, and set the all-time sports choke standard with their biblical collapse against Boston in the 2004 A.L. Championship Series.
Surely the Yankees front office has acknowledged their shortcomings by now. Did management smartly address them this off-season? Is this years Yankees team built to win a championship? Clearly not. The old adage - pitching wins championships - is only partly true. The strength of the defense behind that pitching is also a key contributor. And a little speed never hurt anybody. The Yankees are suspect in all of these categories.
Baseball's favorite nice guy, Randy Johnson, looks in form to make a run at this years Cy Young. He'll really have to distance himself though, because no sportswriter wants to vote for that prick unless they have to. Aside from him, however, their starting rotation is suspect:
-37-year-old righthander Mike Mussina hasn't struck out more than 142 batters or had an ERA below 4.41 in two seasons. Hes on the slow, McDonalds playground slide out to pasture.
-How about righties Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright, who were a combined 9-11 with a 5.28 ERA last year? The two of them signed a combined $61 million in free-contracts prior to last season by the way. Like A. J. Burnett (coming shortly to a Phat Phree baseball preview near you), the exorbitant salaries these two managed to scam out of the Yankees are prime examples of the tremendously shallow free agent pitching market the past few years.
How about the bullpen?
Mariano Rivera walks on water. Hes not human and continues to laugh in the face of all those projecting his eventual age-related demise. Aside from Mo, the Yankees middle relief is a cavernous black hole of question marks. Kyle Farnsworth? Tanyon Sturtze? Mike Myers? Scott Proctor? Geezuz. G.M. Brian Cashman has to be very concerned about his rapidly vanishing strands of hair. And the bullpen of course.
No one has more potential downside in the A.L. East than the Yankees in 2006. But they always seem to find a way to get it done during the regular season. Last year it was the surprising pitching performances of Aaron Small and Shawn Chacon. The year before it was Jon Lieber. Wholl be their guy this year, Chien-Ming Wang?
What about their defense?
Jeter and ARod are wonderful craftsmen with the leather. Sheffield has a fucking rocket launcher for an arm and Posada, with his satellite dishes for ears, is as solid as anyone behind the dish. But what about Giambi? His range at first base is equivalent to a paraplegic in quicksand. They traded Bernies rag arm in centerfield for Damons so that wont really change things, but Matsui is prone to the occasional bout of Yellow Fever cluelessness in left, which causes more than his fair share of debacles.
The Bronx Bombers will live up to their nickname, but unfortunately for their pitching battery, they will too.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Tropicana Field features the world's second-largest cable-supported domed roof (Georgia Dome is the largest). It's made of six acres of translucent, Teflon-coated fiberglass and it virtually supports itself with 180 miles of cables
you know the team is going to be shitty when youre reading up on their dome in prep for writing their baseball preview.
But I did find this fact sort of hysterical:
Tropicana Fields dome is lit orange after the Devil Rays win at home, symbolic of the ballpark's title sponsor, Tropicana Dole Beverages.
Whos the sports marketing retard that struck a deal whereby the promotion of their companys products is reliant upon the fucking Devil Rays winning a ballgame? Geezuz. Yer fired.
As you can tell, I have no interest in spending any sort of time analyzing this years DRay squad. Partly because theyre going to stink. Again. And partly because no one cares. As always. (If you got mad after reading that because you really are a true Devil Rays fan, then I beg of thee: EMAIL ME and tell me so. Im convinced there are none of you out there). For me, the most exciting thing about the 2006 Devil Rays is that Im no longer forced to watch Lou Piniellas swollen bullfrog sourpuss in the dugout during "Baseball Tonight" highlights.
In summary, aside from the very legitimate and super promising left-handed fireballer, Scott Kazmir, Tampa Bays pitching is atrocious. By the way, the Mets traded Kazmir for Victor Zambrano in 2002. This may work out to be the worst Mets trade of all time. Fucking Mets. I love it. Substitute Kevin Costner, Dennis Quaid, Charlie Sheen and Robert Redford for McClung, Fossum, Hendrickson and Waechter and youd see no discernible change in the staffs WHIP. And the bullpen aint any better.
The pundits seem generally excited about new manager Joe Maddons promised style of fast break baseball. And with speedsters Rocco Baldelli, Julio Lugo, Joey Gathright, etc. they may be right. But they have to get on base first. And that has proven to be a difficult task for them in the past. Admittedly, their offense looks much more promising. Throw in Aubrey Huff and Jorge Cantu, they may actually score a few runs this year. Enough to not finish last in the division anyway.
Toronto Blue Jays
Whoooaaaaa, big spender! The Blue Jays increased their payroll in 2006 by more than 60% from the prior year. While its still less than half of both the Yankees and the Red Sox, the Blue Jays will steal some share from their division rivals this year because of the players J.P. Ricciardi brought on board. But stealing a bit of share is all they will do. Talk of Toronto displacing one of the A.L. East stalwarts and maybe even thieving a Wild Card berth is poppycock nonsense. Furthermore, Im personally convinced this franchise will never be a factor again as long as their shitty hats resemble that of the Devil Rays. Who the fuck patterns their unis after the perennial caboose? Idiots.
Toronto plays Boston and New York eleven times in their first twenty-three games. Think ownership will be paying attention over this span? Think J.P. Ricciardi will be feeling the pressure? Those funny-sounding Canadians have been baseball-indifferent for more than a decade - will they care for at least a month this year? Thats an affirmative on all three counts.
But the real question is whether or not the Viagra-like hard-on most have for A.J. Burnett is a justified one. Up until this point, he hasnt shown anything that indicates it is. Burnett is 49-50 in his career, all in the (inferior) National League. He had reconstructive elbow surgery and missed almost all of the 2003 season, then went 12-12 with a 3.44 ERA last year before getting the boot from the team in the final week after criticizing manager Jack McKeon and his coaching staff. Ha! Hey, I have an idea: let's pay him $55 million over five years to reward him for those grand accomplishments. The free agent pitching market continues to be a suckers one.
(Twenty-Second Timeout: The worst part about being assigned the A.L. East portion of this baseball preview was being forced to read the Canadian sports pages. Their English is rife with French influence. Offence? The Rogers Centre? Fucking French.)
The Blue Jays went 80-82 last year. That was without Roy Halladay for a large portion of the season. While I think they overachieved in 2005, the Jays will be a better team this year, comparably. Their only major personnel loss was second baseman, Orlando Hudson. The defense will suffer because of his Gold Gloves departure. But the additions of B.J. Ryan, Troy Glaus, Lyle Overbay and Bengie Molina were very good ones. From a business perspective, this newfound loosening of the belt (see above comments on A.J. Burnett in addition to the record setting, five-year/$47 million deal for B.J. Ryan) may turn out to be a disaster (most baseball teams are when it comes to profitability). But if youre Canadian and for some reason pay attention to your imperialist neighbors national pastime, itll be fun. Until Chapter 11 is declared of course.
Its always nice to see a team try and get better and make a run at the hierarchy. The Jays will give their division rivals fits this year. Particularly the Red Sox, who continue to be baffled by Ted Lilly as if it really was Colin Farrell pitching for the Jays, not just his stunt double.
The AL Central By Mike Hagesfeld
The A.L. Central is your little brother, and he just beat you in basketball on the driveway hoop. Hed been talking for years about how he was going to win, but he finally came through. Every year it seemed there was some sleeper pick or another for the crap-fest that was the A.L. Central to finally break through and win it all. Last year, not only did the White Sox take the title, taking out the much-hyped BoSox and Angels on the way, but the Indians put a scare into those same Red Sox before choking like a John Holmes partner at the end of the season and losing the Wild Card.
So, was it a one-year flash-in-the-pan? Can the Central prove that its a big boy now, or will it fall back into Midwestern obscurity? Will anybody else step up to the plate? Lets find out.
Chicago White Sox 2005: 99-63, 1st Place, World Series Champions 2006: 95-67, 1st Place
The White Sox gave the biggest F YOU! of them all last year. Everybody mocked them for pursuing a speed and pitching philosophy, and instead they turned around and won the whole chimichonga. So now they face the challenge of trying to do it again. Operating mainly under the philosophy of if it aint broke, dont fix it, the Sox worked hard to keep the core of their team together, while filling the few holes they had. They convinced 1B Paul Konerko to keep his 40 HR and 100 RBI on the South Side, and traded CF Aaron Rowand away to the Phillies to land slugger Jim Thome. Additionally, the Sox traded setup man Damaso Marte for do-everything INF Rob Mackowiak. On the pitching side, the Sox landed Javier Vazquez for OF Chris Young, SP Orlando El Duque Hernandez, and RP Luis Vizcaino. They also let South Side icon Frank Thomas walk to Oakland.
The question is, will the moves the White Sox did make work, or will they screw up a good thing? The Vazquez move seems like a definite winner. Vazquez is a K-machine who wilts under the spotlight (see Yankees, New York). Since he wont have to be The Man in Chicago, he can just do his thing, and be an upgrade over El Duque. While Chris Young may turn out to be excellent, Vazquez boosts an already incredibly strong starting staff.
The Thome move is more questionable. Rowand was a solid if not spectacular piece of the puzzle for Chicago last year. In his place will be the young Brian Anderson, who may or may not pan out. Thome way return to his slamming ways without the strain of the field wearing on his back. Or, Thomes best days could be behind him, and he will just take the Frank Thomas memorial DL spot. My money is on the former, but the latter wouldnt shock me.
Overall, I think the White Sox improved with the Vazquez deal, and the other moves wont hurt them. I dont think they will win as many one-run games this year, but I dont think theyll need to. I think the indecision about the back of their pen may cost them a few games, but their starting pitching and defense will overcome it. I dont think theyll win the World Series this year, but I do think theyll be in the ALCS again.
Minnesota Twins Last Year: 83-79, 3rd place This Year: 89-73, 2nd place
Well, it isnt hard to spot the strengths and weaknesses of a team that finished 7th in the Majors in ERA, but 25th in runs scored. The fact that the Twins still managed to finish above .500 is pretty amazing. So will the hitting rise and lift the Twins, or will the pitching succumb to the pressure of holding the team up and crumble?
First off, the Twins looked at their pitching situation and said Dont touch it! Their only move from the mound was to trade set-up man J.C. Romero to the Angels for minor league 2B Alexi Casilla. Good choice. Their main rotation of super-stud Johan Santana, Brad Radke, walk-allergic Carlos Silva and Kyle Lohse can definitely be put up with any in the Majors. Their fifth starter possibilities are Scott Baker and Francisco Liriano, both of whom are youngsters with loads of potential. The back of their bullpen is nearly untouchable, with Juan Rincon setting up and Joe Nathan closing the door (43 of 48 save opportunities converted last year). Overall, their bullpen had the 4th best ERA in the bigs last year.
Can they hit, though? Last year, Torii Hunter, Minnesotas star CF, went down for the season on July 29th with the team at 54-47. The Twins were three games under .500 for the rest of the season. Needless to say, the Twinkies are hoping Two-I is back to 100% for the whole season in 06. Minnesota made some additional moves to bolster both their offense and defense, trading for 2B Luis Castillo in Floridas fire sale (some smoke damage) and signing 3B Tony Batista, who should be well-rested considering he didnt play last year. The Twins are hoping for 1B Justin Morneau to develop into the power producer theyve always seen him as, and for C Joe Mauer to continue developing behind the plate, and avoid the DL.
The Twins should be better at the plate this year, and their pitching should continue to be stellar. However, their offense wont improve enough to catch either of the Sox, and Minnesotans will again be home for the playoffs.
Cleveland Indians Last Year: 93-69, 2nd place This Year: 86-76, 3rd place
The Indians pulled a Van de Velde last year. No two ways about it. They choked. However, their gag act obscured the fact that they ran off one hell of a stretch in the 2nd half to get to where their choking mattered. As late as 60 games into the season, the Indians were only at .500, meaning they went 63-39 (a .617 clip) for the rest of the season. So can the Tribe maintain that sort of success over an entire season? Or was their asphyxiation a better indication of what to expect in 2006? I think there are clues in both.
The off-season in Cleveland produced a series of groans interspersed with yawns. The Indians managed to lose the A.L. ERA leader (Kevin Millwood) and one of the engines at the top of their lineup (LF Coco Crisp), replacing them with a 20-game winner (over the last 3 years combined) in Paul Byrd, a part-time outfielder (Jason Michaels), and a minor-leaguer (3B Andy Marte). Additionally, the Tribe whiffed in trying to sign another closer, instead settling to terms with Bob Trapeze Wickman.
While these do not sound like the moves of a team trying to take the next step, all is not lost on the shores of Lake Erie. Yes, Millwood had the best ERA in the AL last year, but Byrd had 22 quality starts last year, 2nd best in the majors. If his luck is only halfway better than Millwoods was, he should get 12-15 wins. Additionally, the Indians have top-class minor league arms if someone should get hurt, which miraculously never happened last year.
On the offensive side, while Crisp was a very good young player, Michaels is not chopped liver, with an OBP of .399 in part-time duty with the Phillies last year. And despite dismal years from the Killer Bs (Broussard, Blake, and Boone), the Indians ranked 7th in runs scored in MLB. Even with a slip in production from Crisp to the LF platoon, at least one of the three black holes at the bottom of the lineup has to improve. Somewhat. A little. Right? Maybe?
Overall, I see the Indians taking a step backward this year. While their dismal results in one-run games shouldnt be replicated, that better luck will probably be offset by worse luck in the health of their pitching staff. The ifs on the offensive side (IF the Killer Bs dont suck as bad, IF the LF platoon can offset the loss of Crisp, IF Pronk, Sizemore, and Martinez continue to be studs with no slipback) loom too large. I think this will be an okay season at the Jake, but not the near-magic that happened last year. Next year, though. . . next year. . .
Detroit Tigers Last Year: 71-91, 4th place This Year: 81-81, 4th place
OK, who outside of Detroit knew anything about how the Tigers finished last year? Hell, who IN Detroit knew? New manager Jim Leyland recently commented on the lack of identity for the Motown Cats, and boy is he right. Theyre throwing money after injured players in Pudge Rodriguez and Magglio Ordonez. Theyre building a stable of young arms. Wait, theyre back to the throwing money at old people with Kenny Rogers. Whats with these guys?
Well, whats with them is they are actually poised for an attack on decent baseball. However, they could also be poised for absolute disaster. Im picking a big improvement for them, but there are so many caveats to that it could be a. . .thing with a lot of caveats (YOU try to make a caveat metaphor).
The Tigers stayed pretty quiet this off-season, with their biggest splashes both being in the Old Guy pool we discussed before. Hell, the Tigers spend so much time in the Old Guy pool youd think they were extras in Cocoon. In addition to the short-tempered one mentioned above, Detroit decided that they just couldnt get enough Todd Jones, bringing him back for his third stint with the team.
(While were on the subject, what is it with Detroit and retreads? I mean, this is a team that has an annual Brad Ausmus trade-off with Houston, and now they want more of Todd Jones? At last count, there were at least 100 different players in the Major Leagues, with at least 120 more in the minors. Try somebody new!)
Anyway, Jones signing brings us to one of the caveats: this team will improve IF Jones maintains the form he had in the ninth last year for Florida. This is a big if, both in terms of whether it will happen, and in terms of the Tigers needing it. Jones 40 saves last year were the first time hed had double digit saves since 2001. Detroit didnt have anybody with double digit saves last year. Anyone. Jose Mesa and Danys Baez both had double-digit saves, for Chrissakes. Thats all I have to say about that. Of course, how many opportunities Jones gets to close the door is another huge question for Detroit, given that most of the single-digit save guys responsible for blowing 20 of 57 save opportunities last year are now going to be setting things up for the 9th.
As for the rotation, well, usually when you have a young core, you try to bring in a level-headed older fellow to mentor the younguns, make sure theyre brought along and learn to play baseball the right way. Or, if youre Detroit, you bring in a hotheaded asshole who was doing great last year, right up until he punched a cameraman. Yes, this is the guy you want teaching your young studs how to be a professional. However, Detroit does have some serious young talent in that rotation. Jeremy Bonderman, Nate Robertson, and Mike Maroth are all good young arms with the potential to be very good. Whether or not they reach that potential is another of the large caveats that will determine the Tigers fate this year.
Okay, so the pitching may or may not be pretty good or excellent or awful. What about offense? At the plate is where the Tigers really strap on their titanium bracelets and hope for the best. Between C Ivan Rodriguez, SS Carlos Guillen, and RF Magglio Ordonez, the Tigers are hoping the heart of their lineup can stay in one piece long enough to provide the offense they need so desperately. While the Tigers could hit last year, ranking 4th in baseball in average, they couldnt hit it far, scoring the 17th most runs. So theyre hoping that the big boppers can stick around and find some power in their bats to put a run together.
All in all, I think more of the caveats will fall into place for the Tigers than not. I think the staff will be good, with Bonderman making a fairly big leap this year. I think Jones will, if nothing else, give them solidity in the back of the pen. I think Mags will stick around for a while this summer, plating some runs for the Tigers. And I think Jim Leyland will bring some piss, vinegar, and direction to this squad. No, they arent going anywhere this year, but respectability is a good goal on the way to contention.
Kansas City Royals Last Year: 56-106, 5th place This Year: 62-100, 5th place
Ah, the Royals. If theres one thing that makes it easy to write an A.L. Central preview, its the reassuring presence of the Royals at the bottom. Sure, in 2003 they shocked the world with a third-place finish, and the Tigers sucked badly enough to occupy the basement in 02 when even the Royals 100 wins wasnt bad enough to be the worst in the Central. Regardless, Kansas City hasnt finished higher than 3rd in the Central since 1995, when they sported a powerhouse record of 70-74, only 30 games behind the division-winning Indians.
So is there any reason to believe that things will change this year? In a word, no. Kansas Citys changes from a year of futility were to add other teams garbage. The curb-scouring Royals picked up 1B Doug Mientkiewicz, recently voted The Man Boston Would Most Like To Hit in the Face, out-pointing even George Steinbrenner and A-Rod). They coupled him on the right side of the infield with All-Scrabble Team partner 2B Mark Grudzielanek, coming off a six-dinger year for the Cubs. Continuing to scour the scrap heap, they decided to help RF Reggie Sanders try to play for every single team in MLB. Their pitching staff was bolstered by Elmer Dessens, who couldnt stick around the pitching challenged Reds, and Scott Elarton, plucked from the 5th starter spot on the Indians to be the staff ace.
All is not lost for the Royals. They do sport several young, talented players (or, as theyre known in the vernacular, Future Yankees) on their roster. Prominent among these are 3B Mark Teahen, who hit the crap out of the ball the last month of the season in 05; SS Angel Berroa, who never met a pitch he didnt like but can play; and CF David DeJesus, continuing the heavenly trend. Not all of these guys will escape Kansas City, most will end up like Ken Harvey, eventually sent to wallow in AAA obscurity, but a couple of them may wind up playing real major league baseball.
My opinion on the Royals is probably pretty obvious by now, so I want to take this time to campaign for a salary floor in MLB. Kansas City is a good baseball town that has and will support a winner. If somebody there would actually put some money into the team, put a plan together and build a real team, they could be something other than a massive joke. Since this team is in the middle of the country, nobody pays attention, but the city doesnt deserve the crap theyve gotten from ownership over the past 10+ years. Please, MLB, for the sake of all that is right, help Kansas City.
The AL West By Charlie DeMarco
I promise I will not make any tired, hacky Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim jokes. Nothing is less funny than some asshole cracking a weak joke for the millionth fucking time. We get it, its dumb that they have two cites in their name. Shut the fuck up.
Pulling the AL West should be a breeze. There are only 4 teams. Unfortunately for me, its not that easy. Two years ago, the Angles, As and Rangers finished three games apart (92-70, 91-71 and 89-73 respectively), and last year, it was a race between the Angels and As until the end of the year, although the Rangers fell off early on. This year, it isnt that the Rangers have improved; its more that the other two teams got worse. Honestly, I dont have any idea which of those three will win the division, but I do know for certain that Seattle stinks.
The As have A LOT of young players, and that is always a coin toss. Milton Bradley is the TO of the MLB, and Barry Zito hasnt looked exceptional since winning the Cy Young.
The Angels lost a lot of depth in the rotation with the departure of Paul Byrd and Jarrod Washburn. But the biggest question mark is can this team stay healthy. Looking at their roster, every single one of those guys is (always) or was injured.
The Rangers are still trying to out hit everyone, but that has yet to work. Their staff is better with the addition of Kevin Millwood from the Indians and Eaton, but beyond that there isnt much to speak of. Shit, they have two rookies filling the backside of the rotation, not to mention that Francisco Cordero is better at throwing chairs at women than throwing his slider.
Their pitching staff is the best in the division by a huge margin even if Zito doesnt return to his 2003 form. Rich Harden, Danny Haren, and Joe Blanton are all solid. Thats a scary rotation. And their bullpen is pretty damned good too. Huston Street was the AL Rookie of the Year last year, and with Duchscherer, Calero, Kennedy, Saarloos, and Witasick- you can make a pretty good case that this is the best bullpen in the business.
On the offensive side, Eric Chavez is the anchor, but they have surprisingly little beyond him. I had to look at the roster again because I couldnt believe how terrible it was. I mean, Frank Thomas? What year is it? And I think I can hear Milton Bradley ticking as I write this. Hes just a disaster waiting to happen.
Bottom line: The As will win a lot of 3-2 games- just enough, in fact, to win the division.
The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 2005 Record: 95-67 (1st) Predicted 2006 Record: 86-76 (2nd)
The Angels liked their 95-win season so much that for the first time in three years, they didnt completely rework their roster in the off-season. Unfortunately for them, I think their luck will run out. There is just no way this team stays healthy all year.
They have some great position players in Vlad, Chone Figgins, Orlando Cabrera, Garret Anderson, and Darin Erstad. And their pitching staff looks okay (although Colons near 13.00 ERA in his first two starts doesnt bode well).
Bottom line: If I was the team doctor on this squad, I would just start setting up triage now.
Thats right. I am predicting a 180-degree turn around for the Rangers- from a mediocre 79-83 last year to a mediocre 83-79 this year. Congratulations, losers.
Did you know Phil Neven makes $10 million a year? How does that happen? A first baseman with a lifetime average of .273, who hasnt hit more than 30 HR in a season since 2001 (in his last full season he hit 26- woopie!), and is always hurt- gets paid $10,333,347 per season. Thats fucking unbelievable.
New GM Jon Daniels has his work cut out for him trying to clean up John Harts mistakes- not including Johns decision to get giant sasquatch hairs for hair plugs. He just needs to pick up a legit #1 starter, better speed, some defense and a bat or two at the bottom of the lineup.
Bottom line: In 2007, the Rangers will be 82-80 and third in the division. Mediocre is worse than bad.
The Mariners lineup has more holes to exploit than a thousand hookers. In fact, its easier to talk about the four things they actually have going for them: the top of their lineup is impressive. Ichiro is still the best leadoff hitter in the majors, Sexson and Beltre are good hitters and solid in the field, and Washburn was a steal.
Royals Posted: 4/13/2006by: Joe Kansas Thank you for your comments on the Royals. Sadly I think we are much better this year, but it means nothing. It pains me to hear my fellow Kansas Citians bag on the Royals year after year. In '04 the year after we took 3rd place (and led the division for the majority of the year) this city was buzzing like it was the Chiefs. With that said there are a few things that drive me crazy about our fans.
1. No matter what team is in town, I see at least 1/4 the stadium in the other teams unis. When the Red Sox or Yankees come to KC there is like half the stadium in their gear. I don't know where these people come from, but I know there is no way they all came from the east coast. Fair weather.
2. Ripping on MIke Sweeney. Yes he makes 11 million, but at the time when we signed him that was a huge deal for us. He was consistently hitting over .300 and hitting 30 jacks. David Glass had never retained a big name player. And he wanted to stay in KC, do you think Beltran or Damon would have accepted any offer we gave them. We could have offered Beltran 100 mil a season and unlimited sex with Danni from Survivor and he still would turn it down.
Thats it go Royals. Kayvon Posted: 4/13/2006by: Beetle My point is this. The NL is an inferior league with outdated rules. At the turn of the century, pitchers probably commited almost equal time to practice their hitting as they did their pitching. Now, pitching has become such a specialized thing that NL hurlers spend zero time in the batting cage working on hitting, wear jackets on the field while running the bases, never slide into a base, never steal a base, never take out a catcher, etc etc etc. They are the equivilant to the retarded kid on a little league team. I am suprised people don't have to yell at them from the stands to run after they make contact while the umpire points them in the right direction.
As I am sure that you already know, the Nats didn't throw at Pedro and he shut them down. Not very compelling.
Regarding Manny, that's the beauty of the beast. Everyone thinks Manny is terrible in the field, but he isn't really that bad overall, he just makes singular terrible plays from time to time. (trust me, I have probably watched most every game the man has played in a Red Sox uni). Manny actually has an arm of decent strength that is extemely accurate. Just last week he threw a perfect relay against Texas to gun down a runner at the plate in the late innings of a close game. The play at the plate wasn't even close. "I've always thought that he (Manny) was very underrated as a fielder" Jason Varitek.
your point is...? Posted: 4/12/2006by: kayvon What does the AL/NL World Series record over the last 20 years have to do with anything I said? The DH is unAmerican. If we're supposed to claim pitchers don't have to hit, why stop there? Why not just have an 18-man starting roster with nine offensive specialists and nine defensive specialists, hmm? Between Arroyo tearing up NL pitching and Pedro surely shaking in his boots tonight (Joe Morgan: "I will be very disappointed if the Nationals don't throw at Pedro"), you're seeing exactly why NL ball is purer and more compelling than geechy DH ball. A baseball player plays both parts of the game, it's as simple as that.
As an aside, Manny puts up assists because there isn't a single player in the league that doesn't think he can run on Manny's arm. It wouldn't be entirely unexpected to see Frank Thomas try to score from first on a Texas-Leaguer to left with the cannon Manny's got. Kayvon and Tangent Guys Posted: 4/12/2006by: Beetle Kayvon, just because you are a fan of the inferior league; YES I SAID IT...INFERIOR!! HERE IS THE PROOF! ARE YOU READY??? Since 1984 - World Series AL 15 NL 7 Since 1986 - All Star Games AL 14 NL 3 Doesn't mean you get to call fans of the AL and the DH non-fans of baseball. Pitchers can't hit. Watching them try to hit is painful.
Tangent Guys, Mike Lowell won the gold glove last year, Alex Gonzales is a gold glove caliber player, Mark Loretta is rock solid in the field, if unspectacular, Kevin Youklis is also rock solid, but hasn't played enough to prove himself. However, we also have J.T. Snow's 5 gold gloves on the bench. In the outfield, Trot is an excellent fielder whose only fault is average range. Crisp is a stud who is likely even better than Jonny Damon, and Manny...well, he's Manny. He'll have 5-7 boners per year, but he'll also have 5-7 outstanding plays that are as good as you'll ever see. (Look for video footage of the homer that he robbed in Yankee's stadium in 2004 where the batter (can't remember who hit it) completed his entire homerun trot before realizing that Manny caught the ball. Also, he led the majors in assists last year. So, you can't call Manny a complete liability.
. Posted: 4/11/2006by: ted who cares tangent/matt Posted: 4/11/2006by: kayvon Tangent: though any defense with Manny Ramirez and Wily Mo Pena in the outfield is certainly flawed, there's little questioning the integrity of the infield. There's potential for four gold gloves there. Also, though the Yankees have one of the more top-heavy rotations in the AL, I'd think twice before putting any rotation with CC Sabathia as its ace before it. Although there's some room to grow in Westbrook, Lee, and maybe even Davis, Cleveland's starting pitching is still not a definitive strength. Finally, Oakland's got great young arms and Frank Thomas may be the first player to put up 35 bombs while flirting with Mendoza, but that club simply isn't as well-rounded as the AL's top few teams.
Matt: over this past offseason, KC tried its damndest to spend money but was simply unable to. Other than Reggie Sanders, not a single high-caliber free agent was willing to play for the club, no matter how much they outbid contending teams. While there's obviously a case for a salary cap and an NFLy revenue share in the MLB, if we're living in a capitalist society and several players opt to take less money to play for other clubs, then I think that's a sign that residing in a smaller market is not the sole dooming factor playing into the Royals' failure. Also, their budget is currently dwarfing the Marlins' (under 15 mil). Lunch time entertainment Posted: 4/11/2006by: Tangent Guys Well done - much better than SI or ESPN the rag-azine.
A few observations:
1. The Red Sux don't even have the best defense in their division, let alone the AL. Lowell, Gonzales, Loretta, and Youklis? Are you kidding me? Two colanders, a sieve and a sluice box would be better defensively.
2. Other than the D-Rays, who are the Twinkies going to hit? fuhgeddaboudit.
3. Since everyone (except Minnesota) can mash, it's all about the arms. Boston, Cleveland, Chicago, Oakland, and LAA have them: the Yankers, DRays, Aurioles, and Rangers do not. (KC isn't really in the Show) Seattle will be better than people think because they can pitch; NY will lose because they can't.
4. You are just wrong to crack on the A's offense. Bobby Crosby hits it har-rud; Swisher (bad name for a baller) and Johnson are young rakers; Payton and Kotsay are veteran hitters; and Kendall had his worst year since T-ball. They are much better offensively than last year. Speaking of offensive, they have Victor French AND his shitbox in their corner. This is the year, Baby!
Royals Posted: 4/11/2006by: Matt "My opinion on the Royals is probably pretty obvious by now, so I want to take this time to campaign for a salary floor in MLB. Kansas City is a good baseball town that has and will support a winner. If somebody there would actually put some money into the team, put a plan together and build a real team, they could be something other than a massive joke. Since this team is in the middle of the country, nobody pays attention, but the city doesnt deserve the crap theyve gotten from ownership over the past 10+ years. Please, MLB, for the sake of all that is right, help Kansas City."
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! baseball! Posted: 4/11/2006by: kayvon Beetle: while it's conceivable to be a fan of certain star DH's, it's inherently impossible to be both a fan of baseball and a fan of the DH. If you're in love with the concept of pitchers throwing at the heads of batters without ever having to step in the box, gimmicky bashers who never learned bothered learning how to field a grounder, and decrepit juicers squeezing a few last million dollars before retiring to The Metaphysical Life then you are simply not a fan of baseball. DH = bushleague.
McCoy: Posada's a PB waiting to happen and Boston's defense barely exists beyond the infield.
Hagges: pharmaceutical commercials have lots of caveats. And no mention of Verlander or Zumaya?
Charlie: TO is really good at football.
Lamkovsky: Come Back! DH Posted: 4/11/2006by: Beetle Who wants to see pitchers hit?? They suck! I almost expect to hear a womanly moan every time an NL hurler has to swing the bat. Pansies. Timmah, nice job quoting a chick flick.
The A.L. East in 2006 will be the baseball equivalent to the Big East in college basketball theyre going to beat the shit out of each other all year. And when that little nerd Brian Cashman is fired by George Steinbrenner because the Yankees dont make the playoffs, he can blame Bud Selig and Torontos General Manager, J.P. Ricciardi. Why? The unbalanced schedule, meaning each team plays those in their division nineteen times, will cost the American League East the Wild Card berth this year.
The A.L. Central is your little brother, and he just beat you in basketball on the driveway hoop. Hed been talking for years about how he was going to win, but he finally came through. Every year it seemed there was some sleeper pick or another for the crap-fest that was the A.L. Central to finally break through and win it all. Last year, not only did the White Sox take the title, taking out the much-hyped BoSox and Angels on the way, but the Indians put a scare into those same Red Sox before choking like a John Holmes partner at the end of the season and losing the Wild Card. 
I promise I will not make any tired, hacky Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim jokes. Nothing is less funny than some asshole cracking a weak joke for the millionth fucking time. We get it, its dumb that they have two cites in their name. Shut the fuck up.
