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The baseball cap used to be something really special. Something anybody could wear in almost any situation and look good while doing it. Today that's all but gone. Helped by rappers and white kids from the suburbs alike, the baseball cap has branched off into a fashion statement of gargantuan proportions. Statements like "I root for the Blue Jays" are gone, and have been replaced with "I'm a douche bag who color-coordinates my shoelaces with my headband." Here are some of those hats that make me ashamed to be a baseball fan.
I need a hat that looks like a fucking s'more like I need Bill Simmons writing another article about the Red Sox. Maybe if you were fat and stuck on a desert island, you could eat the hat. Only then would you look slightly less stupid owning a monstrosity like this.
Denim? A baseball cap made out of denim? Get that trendy L.A.-Trash/NJ-Guido nonsense out of the ballpark. However, this hat could've been worse. I can easily see New Era suggesting they make it containing rips and shreds, allowing your fellow baseball fans the privilege of looking at your frost-tipped hair.
Somewhere in the world there is a Dodgers fan wearing this thinking that he looks pretty cool, not realizing it looks like Peter North just fucking unloaded all over his head.
Because we all know Atlanta, GA was at the forefront of the counter-culture movement of the 1960's.
The camouflage is slightly confusing at first, until you think to yourself, "Who would ever want to be recognized as a Marlins fan in a public setting?" and then it all comes together.
I don't have a problem with this hat. If I was an Irish Red Sox fan, I would consider buying this. I just wish MLB would design hats with other minorities in mind. A green, white, and red hat for Mexicans with a taco on the bill would sell hotter than Tapatio-flavored blunt wraps in the Dodger Stadium bleachers.
You know that Chris Rock mockumentary CB4 where the guy raps "Because I'm black y'all! And I'm black y'all! And I'm blacker than black 'cause I'm black y'all!"? That movie is this hat, but without being in on the joke. Yes, people actually wear this hat despite one teensy, tiny, little problem.... I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TEAM IT'S FOR. It looks like a cardinal; however it could also be an oriole. For all I know it could be Chief Wahoo scalping John Rocker's great-great granddaddy.
Because when I think of the words "Kansas City", I think of it in the same font used for every THUG LIFE tattoo in history.
If you're a Cubs fan, you're used to being called a loser all day. Why not add to that frustration by wearing a hat that looks like it's covered by Spaghetti-O's if you squint at it.
The Cooperstown Angels cap for Anaheim residents who actually enjoyed their 32nd name change and want to stick it to Dodgers fans. The joke is lost when it takes you 45 minutes to drive to Los Angeles and you end up getting car-jacked by some extra from Training Day because you can't find Sunset Blvd.
The hat that screams "I live in San Bernardino and the closest I ever came to New York City was when my 3rd grade class sent Flat Stanley to Brooklyn. Yankee fan 'till I die!"
I wish the lines on this hat were actual pieces of string so I could strangle the bastard who thought this hat would look good on him Luca Brasi-style.
I absolutly hate those hats that have all the basketball teams on there. And then you see people coordinating that shit by wearing a shirt with all the basket ball teams, pants with all the basketball teams, and designer Air Jordans. Oh my god.
Jeff
Dodger Splooge
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Posted: 7/12/2006 5:12:44 AM
I just found the perfect birthday present for an obnoxious Dodger fan friend of mine. The Flat Stanley reference was awesome too.
Alex
Same Color doesnt equal matching
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Posted: 7/12/2006 7:36:10 AM
Seriously, Rappers have the worst fashion sense and it all trickles down to rich white suburia where it gets even more jackass. Anyway, great article.
Brandon
Hats
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Posted: 7/12/2006 9:01:37 AM
The Red Sox hat was pretty cool and the Marlins hat isnt that bad, if of course, you didnt wear it outside of your house. The rest of these hats are comical.
sue s.
hats
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Posted: 7/12/2006 9:53:17 AM
This was kind of funny, but I thought it was funnier yesterday on Page 2 when it was about jerseys.
antony
wtf?
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Posted: 7/12/2006 10:19:59 AM
atlanta has a baseball team? i thought ted turner strangled all of the remaining team after they lost dale murphy? fuck atlanta, the city is like a big pile of california that heaven shat right in the middle of God's Country. the falcons are cool though :) and call me bandwagon, but i think micheal vick just got added to the list! maybe he could hook up with stacey dash and have super-babies! oh wait, i think we already tried and failed at that scheme once... :(
Pat
FLAT BRIMS
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Posted: 7/12/2006 11:22:48 AM
Are the worst. I think that look alone ruined baseball caps for all eternity.
OD
Not bad
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Posted: 7/12/2006 12:16:11 PM
try living in queens. you cant find a normal hat thats not way oversized with a flat brim no matter where you look. i have to get them online its bullshit.
DLamp
The Marlins Hat
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Posted: 7/12/2006 2:52:36 PM
What if you want a deer's last thought to be "Hey, that guy's a Marlins fan"? Then it would seem servicable.
For the record, I quit wearing baseball hats when they started making the team logos raised like an inch off the front of the hat.
seamus
I love sports
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Posted: 7/12/2006 4:52:54 PM
How about the first cap you showcase above, the one that says, "I just love all teams equally." This is especially attractive on shirts or even pants.
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