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Need a Change?
Time for a change? Sick and tired of the same old routine day after day? There has to be a better way!
Do you have chronic back pains? Difficulty maneuvering stairs or tight corners? Have a lack of confidence, or just fold under pressure? Just sick and tired of the same old same old?
It's time for life change! We Here at GUYS ONLY can help you become a eunuch... and more! Sure fellas, you've thought about it for years, and now you can make that dream finally come true! We can cut off both your testicles and your penis! Or we can take away just the penis! Or one ball and the penis! The combinations (3) are endless! We do, however, only offer the full testicles and penis removal at this time.
Now, for most men this is an easy decision. But, some are still on the fence. It's important to weigh the pros and cons. Sure, you'll never ever have sex again, in the traditional sense, but just think about what else you'll never ever have: no more messy cum stains to clean, no more pricey condoms or easy to lose cock rings, no more rips, tears or bruises, because you'll be getting hit or whacked in the nuts no more. Also, no more pointless hand-jobs and no more embarrassing erections at the wrong time. This procedure means never having to buy a fast boat, or flashy car to compensate for a small penis (you can tell people that it was really big, even if it wasn't we'll never tell... that's our policy).
GUYS ONLY offers a free consultation by one of our very talented, intense and high pressure salesmen. Our GUYS ONLY experts will perform a thorough exam and inform you if you are a good candidate for the procedure. If you have two testicles and a penis you are halfway to being an ideal candidate! We will also just need to run a credit check to make sure you have money to pay for the procedure. If you do, you are an all-the-way ideal candidate. Our expert will also draw, freehand, a custom before and after depiction of you that is as accurate as our experts drawing talent will allow. Our expert will also inform you exactly what to expect with the procedure.
The advancements in medical technology make this procedure easier and more affordable than ever! Most patients are back to work the next day, except for pornography actors and models. They need to find other work... like valets... or investment bankers, for example!
This is how the procedure works: The testicles are removed first with a pair of virtually sterile, fairly sharp poultry sheers! Maintainig an erection is not recommended for that part of the procedure! Then the penis is extracted using a bow saw. Maintaining an erection is recommended during this part of the procedure! A medical professional handles the saw while a medical semi-professional holds the tip of the penis for a precise cut! Then a skin graft is taken from the patients working eye-lid and sewn, double stitched, into the gaping hole. Sound painful? You can rest easy, because each patient is instructed to take two extra strength Tylenol at least twenty minutes before the procedure even begins!
The Good Life - Balls Free
Still not convinced? Just read what some of our GUYS ONLY clients had to say:
"It' the best thing I've ever done!" - Bill S.
"I haven't got hit in the nuts since!" - Bill T.
"I don't need a fancy bike seat anymore!" - Billy P.
"I'm more confident than ever, and I hardly ever look at internet porn... I mean, what's the point. Right?" - Jerry Seinfeld.
Thanks Jerry! The procedure is easier and more affordable now than it has ever been. It's time you made a change, and if you have the procedure done in the month of March, we'll throw in a Euro Disney travel mug absolutely free. And here's the best part... If after thirty days, you aren't one hundred percent satisfied with your penis and testicle removal, please ask about our 30% money back guarantee. That's how confident we are!
GUYS ONLY, for guys who want it all.
Coming soon: JUST FOR GALS, penis and testicle taxidermy art for lesbians.
Posts: 196 Rank: 60 Joined:
4/8/2007
Location:
Chicago, IL
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:50:27 AM
Me: You should write something funny for this site again. Me: Yeah, but I just don't have the time. Me: Oh shut up. You could knock something out in like 10 minutes. Me: Well, I was going to write a fake office memo about not wearing pants, but... Me: People around here think you're dead. Me: Yeah, work's been a bitch. Me: If you wrote something halfway decent the huddled masses would really appreciate it. Me: Have you stopped and considered me? The fact that I have more pressing issues to deal with? Me: Oh, c'mon! You love getting appreciation from total strangers whom you'll never meet. Me: I need to stop drinking on Sundays. Me: Yep.
The most attractive female in our office (600 employees, so a pretty good control group) came into to HR this morning to get FMLA & Disability paperwork for maternity leave.
There is no good reason for me to be distraught over this...
Posts: 1064 Rank: 15 Joined:
12/28/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 3/10/2008 9:53:25 AM
I actually don't need the procedure. Just reading this made my junk retract up into my throat.
Nice job. Too many hooks to quote just one. Very solid.
vert,
Congrats. You saw 60 Minutes last night. Icahn is yet another example of an unhappy person with a buttload of money. If he would just give me a few million of that, I'd show him how to enjoy it. I'd start by wiping my ass with a few hundred, right in front of him...and then I'd just get a little weird.
Posts: 260 Rank: 40 Joined:
2/20/2008
Location:
Overland Park, KS
Posted: 3/10/2008 10:03:48 AM
But this doesn't mean you can just shit can Quarter Life and the adventures of Steve and Adam. Some of us on here need to know what happens in episode 3. Thanks.
Come on, give me a bit more credit, I've been familiar with Icahn for a while. Leveraged buyouts get attention from the Fed, and he's the king in my opinion.
That's a mean man, he's meaner than my dad. I also feel he's bright enough to catch the irony of you wiping your ass with a hundy or two, depending on what you had for lunch.
Cracklanta? Hysterical!
DeMarco, TPP better have a NCAA pool again. We've got to get some money involved though, Tom A and AB will keep us protected from any possible litigation.
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