Yes, that's nice...It's still a fucking Civic, though.
You know, a lot of guys are all about their rides. You cant swing a dead cat in this town without hitting a civic thats got a spoiler that looks like something off of a nuclear retro-rocket and a softball-launcher muffler that gives that beast the same dreamy hum as a poorly oiled weedwacker. And I think thats just great. Im sure the 112 horses that that bad boy cranks press your oversized sterling silver crucifix/dragon/Japanese symbol meaning pimp against your chest as you roar from 0-60 in an astonishing 18.4 seconds. Im happy for you. Really, I am.
However I feel ode must be paid to the one true constant in life, the one reliable thing in this topsy-turvy world the 1994 Toyota Corolla.
This luxurious, sleek, economy sedan has it all. Bumpers? You betcha. Wheels? Check. Some form of an exhaust system? Check and Mate, bitch. Let me tell you, there is no greater feeling than that of sliding your key into the Corollas ignition, grinning slyly at your passenger, and unleashing the fury of 110 Japanese horses on their ass. The look of simultaneous fear and ecstasy on your car-mates face says it allyouve just stepped into the C- unit (as it has come to be known), and you are in for the moderately-priced ride of your life.
Some might say that picking up ladies in a compact from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles era is difficult. These people have clearly never rolled through a crowded mall parking lot in a C-unit. Training bras practically undo themselves when this beast comes to a halt in front of the local Forever 21 or Limited Too. While many believe its horsepower that gets the ladies engines revving (you see what I did there, with the pun? No? Fuck you.), it is, in fact, fuel efficiency. Nary an occasion has passed that one says 34 miles per gallon, and thats city, baby., without near immediate knob-shinery. Set em up with the city mileage, then knock em down with the highway. Never has a Corolla driver finished the sentence and 37 per gallon, highway. with his cock still in his pants. Never. Also, the deceptive spaciousness of the cabin lends itself quite well to the prospect of backseat coitus, with the comfortable headrests achieving dual functionality as both a neck support and a fuck-me bar.
Technically counts as Japanese Porn.
Turquoise may be the greatest color ever invented. Lets just face that fact right now. With all of the majesty of blue and the understated class of green, turquoise has it all. Something about the glint of this Sinatra of colors in a neon drive-thru light just screams class and sophistication. Many a young lady has been lost in the sea of turquoise bliss, swimming in its waves of majesty and paint chips.
Once inside you sink into the plush standard cloth interior, ensconcing you in what some may describe as a veritable orgasm of comfort and taste. The feel of it against your skin makes you want to strip down and roll around in a meadow of grey pressed cotton, cigarette burns and all.
You 18? Get in.
Sure, the hood doesnt match the rest of the car. Due to an incident in which a stray tire was propelled off of the ground, tumbled gracefully through the air, and slammed into said hood at 80 miles per hour. Fortunately, the primer gray of the replacement can easily be passed off as carbon-fiber. Yes, in an effort to shave 0.4 seconds off of the C-units quarter mile (currently standing at 3 minutes) I have installed a carbon fiber hood. This thing now goes from 0 to BOOYAH in the bat of an eye.
Wet yet? Thought so.
Like a fine wine, the 1994 Toyota Corolla has only gotten better with age. Dont act as if, at one point in your life, you havent seen one of these understated beauties rolling down the highway at a respectable 60-something mph and thought, if just for a moment, My kingdom for a Corolla
I have the 03 Corolla "S" Model ("S" Means I paid a assload more for Shitty ground effects and a black interior). So glad I boutght that...In 9 years I'll be 38 years old, and pulling more ass than guys half my age.
So, just gonna let that "S" model marinate. Like fine wine, indeed...
Burt Thaxton Please.... Posted: 8/21/2006by: haha good one you think your corolla has style? talk about one of the cheapest cars on the road.. why not grow some balls.. get a real job and get a nice reliable car? im only 18 and i drive a '98 honda accord sport that gets 38-40 MPG.. so suck on that. yeah i agree all that "pimping" is fuckin rediculous.. but i mean come on.. no girl wants to get in a trashy little corolla Totally replayed Posted: 8/8/2006by: twntysevn27 You already posted this a few months ago. I'm saddened. Well, actually... Posted: 8/8/2006by: Joe Kickass Bystander (who I'm 100% sure is not Tom A), I'll disagree. The following is a short list of things that, in fact, "got by" albie guy:
1. The front page banner 2. The posted date of almost all the comments 3. Reasoning ability Wow, that's some 'ergo', batman Posted: 8/8/2006by: Bystander Nothing gets past Albie Guy. Fucking rookies...... Posted: 8/8/2006by: albanian guy This is an old article. Now, I am not trying to be one of those guys who busts out plagurism or a misspelled word. But this article (I am almost 100% sure) was posted on this site maybe a year or so ago, could be longer. Are you re-using the articles Charlie? Not enough time between gerbils? I guess its good but at that point you might as well re-post " Get this sweater off me" or "This gang-bang is so awkward". (I mean those were the two funniest articles ever on here. ) Please try and retain some class and use new articles. Just get D. Wood (my hero) to write a book and post a few pages a day, that way you won't have to look like such a fucking idiot. Unreal Posted: 8/8/2006by: Scotcha Sure, the hood doesnt match the rest of the car. Due to an incident in which a stray tire was propelled off of the ground, tumbled gracefully through the air, and slammed into said hood at 80 miles per hour.
-Same exact thing happened to me... Charlie's Lost Control Posted: 8/8/2006by: That Guy of his drinking, apparently.
Let's at least put up some *good* repeat articles, yes? Dodge's greatest vehicle-EVER! Posted: 6/17/2005by: matt HA! I had (actually still do, it jsut sits there like a steel an plastic fatboy who can't find the remote and is frozen watching Tiny Toons) Anyway my pussy pounding macjhne is a '94 green dodge neon, nothing, and I mean nothing, says, "Fuck me sideways you slag!" like a finely tuned green machine. Dodge spared no expense giving high performance quality with blue collar duckets. The way the seals leaked when it rained let any fortunate honey in your front seat experience the thrill of 45 mph outdoors from inside it's multicolored plush interior. And you sound like a real gearhead when you meantion Head gaskets. I know nothing about cars (which is why I took on that gem of a hand me down.) But having that car you know, b/c they cost a a grand to replace and they at least blow 2X. Now I am gong to take a flame thrower to that piece of shit and throw my pathtic self on the hood of the car as we both die in an orgy of poor enginnering and stupid descions. give me one Posted: 6/7/2005by: Br I would like to trade my new Honda for your fine specimen of an ass machine automobile.
