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More disturbing is what's in the purse.
I want a decaf nonfat no foam carmel mochachino with whipped cream.
I tried to be a real man and although I haven’t completely given up, how far off could that be after ordering a cup of coffee that requires more instructions than a kitchen remodeling job? And to think that I used to drink coffee, regular fucking coffee from a pot. Remember that? I used to go to a barber shop for a haircut; now I go to a salon. I have highlights. What the hell is happening to me?
The so-called men’s magazines that I read have articles about how to blow dry your hair and exercises that will make your butt look cute. No wonder Hemingway blew his brains out. Guys who run with the bulls in this day and age probably carry purses and use their free hand to read text messages about hair growth products. Maybe now it’s called “Sauntering” or “sashaying” with the bulls. Maybe the bulls aren’t as tough as they used to be. I hope not, because the old bulls would have eaten wimps like me for breakfast. This whole thing is giving me a headache. I’d take a Xanax, but I’m out of Perrier.
I’m not sure where this long inexorable slide into metrosexuality—or whatever you want to call it—began, but I have a pretty good idea of where it will end. I see the Village People adopting a new character in their act who dresses in Kenneth Cole and has a fresh manicure. He can keep everyone’s schedules straight on his Palm Pilot. I’d rather walk around with a tool belt or a tomahawk any day. America’s new male archetype will be the sissy in the Village People.
In an incident in which a man was beating a woman on a busy street corner in Philadelphia, male witnesses to the assault called police and some even boldly took pictures on their phones. Most dudes probably just turned up the volume on their iPods to drown out the screams and kept walking to the mall. Not exactly knights in shining armor. If I’m ever getting my ass kicked you can forget about the Kodak moment; just split the guy’s head open with a tire iron. They keep those in the trunk of the car for all of you pansies who have never changed a flat. Maybe you’ve been using the tire iron to increase your cell phone’s antenna when you call the towing company.
What’s next for men? Exposed midriffs and thonged asses hanging out of our pants? Are we going to give up our weekends in Las Vegas in favor of shopping vacations in New York? Instead of trying to figure out what to do with the dead hooker in the room, we’ll have to worry about paying for excess baggage on the return flight. Just shoot me now and put me out of my misery, but not in the face. I just put on an exfoliation mask. And wait until after "Dr. Phil".
great, great stuff. the xanax & perrier line killed.
JCO
good job
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Posted: 4/6/2006 9:39:45 AM
that was the best of the day.
Christine
Welcome John
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Posted: 4/6/2006 10:02:28 AM
That was wonderful. great job. Bring back men!!! Bring back men!!!
That street corner in Philly was on south street outside of wholefoods. Everyone there was gay or rich. There was no way to save that women. She died too. What a bunch of fags!!
Bobby
Real respectable-like
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Posted: 4/6/2006 10:26:37 AM
That was a good one. Cheers to everyone who still drinks Budweiser from soon-to-be-crushed cans. Stone Cold Steve Austin is MY role model.
Tom A
I Thought This Was Decent
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Posted: 4/6/2006 10:40:40 AM
But I have to say, now that HE is back, I find myself reading certain articles (like this one, for sure) and wondering what HIS comment is going to be.
Here we go...
Patrick M
liked it
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Posted: 4/6/2006 10:44:25 AM
Some good lines. And I forgot about that incident in Philly. Christine is right about the particulars. He used a bat.
rc
All to apparent
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Posted: 4/6/2006 11:10:53 AM
Nice concept. The demasculination of man has been under way for the last decade. I blame the media, especially Will and Grace. I am pretty sure that was the first primetime example of how cool it is to have a gay friend. The rest just snowballed - no pun intended.
kayvon
mind your business
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Posted: 4/6/2006 11:31:18 AM
Seriously, whatever beef there was between that guy and the woman was their business. It must've been a very sensitive matter if he killed her with a bat. Who the hell are you to intrude on other people's affairs?
Tom A: HE = a resuscitating breath of fresh air.
Fuck A Duck
Nice purse
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Posted: 4/6/2006 11:34:55 AM
I find the article to be hilarious and all too true. The first picture is wonderful.
FAB-U-LOUS!!!
Patrick M
kayvon
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Posted: 4/6/2006 11:38:28 AM
"beef" - He was a crazy loser. She was a popular and successful.
"sensitive matter" - they barely knew each other before he dropped out of school in a prior semester.
Were you trying to perform some resuscitating of your own?
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