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An apparently serious Tball game. Why isn't it on ESPN?
If I wanted to see below average athletes try to play a sport, I’d watch the WNBA. I mean honestly, the Little League World Series has about as much style and grace as a drunken Plumbers League Softball Game.
Kids are beating out grounders that were hit to 2nd base! That’s like getting your free throw blocked. Shit just shouldn’t happen. And we sit here and have it on ESPN? The Worldwide Leader in Sports? Wasting my HD pixels? This is what we’re watching? Little League Baseball? It’s preposterous.
You always have that leviathan from Wisconsin that looks like all he consumes is live chickens, husks of corn and drinks his whole milk straight from the utter pitching to some 78-lb kid from Saigon who doesn’t even appear to have the gene to grow pubic hair. Standing up there shitting himself like his dad was about to beat him. He’s got a helmet on that tank commanders would envy. He looks like a bobble head doll just trying to not fall over from the weight of the damn thing. He then swings the bat as tactically as a blindfolded kid would at a swaying piñata because he can barely react to the 100 mph pitch screaming past him from 40 feet away. And you people cheer when he strikes out! You should be ashamed of yourselves!
Humans used to watch and cheer events this lopsided back at the Roman Coliseum. Remember that? It involved tigers and slaves. It usually didn’t turn out too well for the bipeds, might I remind you.
Little League Battle Helmet
As if this wasn’t bad enough, every year there’s always some drama about how teams are doctoring birth certificates!? That’s like CIA shit. All for a glorified T-ball game in Pennsylvania. Who needs steroids and HGH, when you can just bring in an undocumented kid out of a prison cell in Caracas to win you some games? You know when the kid tells you that his nickname is “The Dragon”, you gotta start checking passports or something.
Check out the 'tache on Kurt, man!!
Some of these players have real mustaches. No, not that see through Puerto Rican mustache like Adam Morrison has, I’m talking like Wade Boggs, Don Mattingly in the “heyday” ‘staches. I’m talking Kurt Russell in Tombstone! Shit with volume, character, and pizzazz. Hair that makes that crinkling sound when you touch it. You know what I’m talking about!!!
Anyhow, pardon my digression. Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about "Farmhand Yeti" throwing gas to a malnurished Asian kid. So before the "Wheat Grass Kid" strikes out on three pitches that he cannot even see, we learn about his favorite hobby or favorite movie. It’s always that cliché answer like “Baseball” and “The Sandlot”. Way to go out on a limb there, Plato. Humor me a little and envision them doing something like this at an MLB game on TV.
- Now batting, Jason Giambi. Jason’s favorite sexual position is the Anal Turkish drill press and his favorite hobby is, well, look at that Tim, it’s snorting coke off a stripper’s anus. How ‘bout that? - It’s really no surprise Joe, because his favorite movie is Anal Lick Fest 5. - Man, he spends more time on the anus than a hemorrhoid. - The 0-1 pitch…
...that houses Joe Morgan, Jeff Brantley, the "World Series" of Poker, Nascar, and continuous Michelle Wie updates, and you're SURPRISED that they're showing the LLWS? B/c they're the "Worldwide Leader in Sports?
cw
oops
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Post #: 2
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Posted: 9/1/2006 10:24:49 AM
I forgot live coverage of the WNBA
Doosh
Dominos
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Posted: 9/1/2006 10:56:21 AM
During the first weekend of the College World Series, ESPN2 was showing a dominos tournament. Next stop, as predicted by Dave Chappelle, the World Series of Dice, with Ashy Larry taking the top prize.
antony
i knew i should have
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Posted: 9/1/2006 11:36:00 AM
put a patent on that move....you get downgraded to a 4 just because of that.
Chuck
pizzaz!
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Posted: 9/1/2006 12:27:18 PM
Two uses of the word pizzaz today? TPP is going kinda fruity...
That Guy
First Pic Caption
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Posted: 9/1/2006 3:23:43 PM
"Yes, Honey, I'm sure it's OK. The *fence* is there to keep him from attacking us..."
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