DURHAM, NC (AP) -- Just two weeks after members of Duke Universitys mens lacrosse team were accused of gang raping an exotic dancer at a team initiation party, the Duke womens lacrosse team -- in an apparent display of sexually violent one-upsmanship has reportedly run a non-consensual train on a Dominos Pizza delivery guy.
According to police, the alleged assault was motivated not by the delivery guys slutty, totally-asking-for-it Dominos baseball cap, but rather by the female lacrosse players anger over the media attention recently heaped on their male counterparts.
Apparently, members of the womens lacrosse team have long been upset over the disproportionate amount of attention paid to mens lacrosse, and are particularly angry about the medias focus on the gang rape allegation against the mens team. According to several female players, the medias thirst for the recent scandal has left little room in the sports pages for stories about the womens team and their recent string of victories.
Were 3 and 0 in-conference and 9 and 0 overall, and all anybodys writing about is the mens team gang-raping some stripper, said Brandy McAndrews, a senior midfielder. So we had a players-only meeting a few days ago and decided that if the media really cares so much about gang rape, then goddamn it, well show em we can gang-rape just as good as the guys.
 | I am rapist, hear me roar. |
McAndrews pointed out that in many respects, the rape committed by the womens team was way better than the incident involving the mens team.
First off, we had six of our players involved, while they only had three. And we wouldve had even more if the other two heteros on the team hadnt been studying for a mid-term.
Second, ours wasnt just some drunk initiation party that got out of hand. We totally planned ours out. When the guy showed up at the door, we had girls waiting in the bushes with lacrosse sticks. After they knocked him out, two other girls forced a bunch of Viagra down his throat and half an hour later we were ready for some good ol raping Lady Blue Devil style!
Despite having freely admitted to the commission a violent felony, McAndrews seemed more concerned about the issue of unfair press coverage. She spoke for what seemed like hours about the inherent biases of the patriarchy, and said she doubts that the rape perpetrated by the women's team will get the same kind of attention as the allegation against the men.
The guys team was on CNN, NBC and the cover of the New York Times. The best well probably get is a 400-word story on some jerkoff website.
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