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This stanza is good because of tits
More than just another pierced and sweaty member of the jeunesse doree
Now that the inimitable Fergie (Stacy Ferguson) has finally broken free from the mongloid vice-grip of her inferior bandmates in "The Black Eyed Peas," we can clearly see that this talented and provocative songwriter is more than just another pierced and sweaty member of the jeunesse doree trend of manufactured cretinoids who fill the airwaves. Take for instance this bit of bilge that Fergie was forced to slobber ad nauseum for her coattail riding cohorts a few years back: "What you gon' do with all that junk, all that junk inside yo' trunk..." The line is a painfully obvious reference to Kant's challenging the logic of Leibniz's metaphysics. The "junk in the trunk" representing, of course, the ubiquitous monad, while the question of "What you gon' do" with all said junk--a hackneyed, adolescent question better left to the patchouli-soaked followers of Thoreau hanging around Doe library at UC Berkeley (or my stupid, two-timing ex-girlfriend up at Oregon State).
"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit When I come to the clubs, step aside Pop the seeds, don't be hating me in the line V.I.P because you know I gotta shine I'm Fergie Ferg Give me love you long time"
I don't know about you, but I haven't seen anything this vibrant, this alive since some of the earlier Coleridge. Again, we see an ominous trinity with the repetition of "oh shit." Fergie derives a sense of panic reminiscent of Paul's (bible Paul, not RuPaul, as some have argued) letter to the Thessalonians, exhorting them not be alarmed or unsettled during their travails. There is a violence in the speakers' (we must assume a first person narrative on the part of Fergie) tone as she urges the people in the queue to "step aside." It is then that she begins her torrent of Dickensonian slant rhyme while her words maneuver like an asp throughout the stanza and, indeed, the metaphorical line of existence--an idea begun by Beckett and brought to fruition by Fergie. And what of the line "I'm Fergie Ferg"? I interpret this as a manifestation of Fergie's theory that names do not remain unchanged, but can be embellished and ornamented with the result that they become more representative of works of art than implements of utility. This is a pie in the eye of Plato, who dances around this notion because a.) It is beyond his grasp and b.) It has become clear through intense study that most of the time Plato stopped short of taking a true stance on anything other than the designated hitter because he had a hostile bladder and would often need to excuse himself from sundry forums to "pee."
"All my girls get down on the floor Back to back drop it down real low I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho Because you know what, I don't give a fuck So here we go!"
This next stanza seems more like a commentary on Kierkegaard's notion of the figure of the aesthete in the first volume of Either-Or. By acting like "such a lady but...dancing like a ho," one wonders if this is just an ironic portrayal of German romanticism, or a 180 degree flip of gender roles as she and her "girls" adopt the persona of characters ranging from a kind of greased-up Don Juan to a dance floor Faust. As she maintains, she "don't give a fuck," but is the narrator to be believed? So much of the stanza is fraught with imagery of the current situation in Darfur that we must look to W.B. Yeats and his "Second Coming" for clues. Is Fergie the Falconer? Perhaps she is just drunk. Either way, look at that navel! I must read over the lines some more, but I also get a strong sense that Fergie, perhaps like Poe, has begun to show signs of syphilis and/or hydrogen psychosis. Not that that�s necessarily a bad thing.
"How come every time you come around My London London Bridge want to go down Like London London want you to go down Like London London be going down"
Ah, the chorus. It keeps coming up insidiously like in Shakespeare's Henry V. Ironic, isn't it, that the focal point is the London Bridge? It's as if Shakespeare traveled forward in time, picked our hero's brain and, finding what he did, flung himself into the Thames. The repetition of the London Bridge going down (but never up!) recalls the scene in Dante's Inferno when Piere della Vigne gets pink eye from Emperor Fredrik II after a night of hard drinking and bowling at the Palace Lanes over there by the Ermenigildo Zegna factory outlet. And while Wittgenstein would have us believe that "every time you (I) come around," the London Bridge going down represents a simple concomitant of phenomena, he is a pussy-face and also dead.
This is a pie in the eye of Plato
"Drinks start pouring And my speech start slowing Everybody start looking at you"
Whoa! I think the drinks I've been pouring are going to my head. Is everybody really looking at me? I hope Fergie is. Does anybody know how to get a hold of her? I wouldn't stalk her, I promise. This stanza is good because of tits. Ass. A teleological suspension of the ethical.
The Grey Goose got the girl feeling loose Now I wishing that I didn't wear these shoes It's like everytime I get up on the dude Paparazzi put my business in the news And I'm gonna get up out my face (oh, shit) Before I turn around and spray your ass with mace (oh, shit) My lips make you want to have a taste (oh, shit) You got that? I got the bass
Goddamnit! My new stupid two-timing girlfriend just read my treatise and sprayed my ass with mace. Holla!
Posts: 1054 Rank: 12 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:55:30 AM
how you got me to read an article about gerfie, but upon finding this:
"And while Wittgenstein would have us believe that "every time you (I) come around," the London Bridge going down represents a simple concomitant of phenomena, he is a pussy-face and also dead. "
Posts: 214 Rank: 16 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Pasadena, CA
Posted: 4/18/2007 9:12:56 AM
You sir are incorrect. This writing style is reminicent of a new fresh face in comedy writing--Knuckleface Jones. The only difference between this and K.J.'s style was the lack of ALL CAPS. Ant, what are Mr. Jones' thoughts on Fergie.
Posts: 1265 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 4/18/2007 9:26:11 AM
I'm here to get a fucking break. If i need a goddamn dictionary or thesarous (fuck you I can't spell everybody knows this) to get through a comidy article it is no longer funny. There I have stated that I didn't like this and more importantly why i didn't like it, that is how it is supposed to be done not simply "this sucked".
I agree with scunt, and, Asmar, this is nothing like the ramblings of KJ/Ant.
Posts: 22 Rank: 96 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Columbia, MO
Posted: 4/18/2007 9:27:22 AM
This article was written so pretentiously that I had to take my cock out of my pants to make sure it was still the second biggest one in the room (second only to my own personality). Not even my ex-girlfriend's vagina could pack this much self-aborbed douchebaggery into such a small, tight, slightly chafed area. As soon as I finish polishing my diamond tipped diamond and writing off the orphans I keep in my basement for manual labor off as co-dependents, I'm going to give this one 5 mfds.
really disgusted me over the past few days (except Tom Oatmeal and Juan T). I have had to suffer through the following the past week or so:
-Antony -Crazy Bitches -The Mighty Ducks -This Fergie shit -English programs?? -We didn't get a new Paul Kersey chapter ( however the recap was good for all of the pathetic noobs) -and I got one of my comments recinded by Chuck D (for responding to a comment/question) (Who else has had one of thier comments removed?) Or have I reached a new low?
I am so depressed right now. And some asshole has been my handicap stall for the last 45 min ( I don't even want to use it now, it is soiled.)
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