Being the bibliophile that I am, I went and snagged the new autobiography of Chita Rivera that came out three weeks ago. I finished it last night, and Im pleased to say that I have new appreciation and respect for Chita Rivera that far surpasses any feelings I might have had about her before reading the book. In fact, with my new perspective on her life and achievements, Im willing to go so far as to say that I might have sex with Chita Rivera.
Now, at this point you may be asking, Who is Chita Rivera and why should I care? Allow me to explain. Chita Rivera is perhaps most well known for not being Rita Moreno. That is, Chita originated the role of Anita in the Broadway production of West Side Story, but was passed over in the film version in favor of Rita Moreno, who went on to win the Academy Award for the role, gaining wide international prominence in the process. The same thing happened to Chita again when she played Rose in Bye Bye Birdie on Broadway, and then Janet Leigh got the part in the movie. This turned out to be a mixed blessing for Chita, though, since the film version strayed so far from the charm and appeal of the source material that not even the combined talent of Leigh, Dick Van Dyke, Ann-Margret and Paul Lynde could salvage it (and you all know what a sucker I am for Paul Lynde). Plus, Chita Rivera fucked Sammy Davis Jr., so thats why you should care.
Rrrrowwwrrr!
It may seem odd to some of you that I would express an interest in having an intimate physical encounter with a seventy-two year old woman. Well, Ive often been told that I have unusual tastes. Plus, frankly, shes taken really good care of herself. Shes still got that dancers body, and I bet that she could not only crack an egg with those thighs of hers, but she could probably separate the yolks if she had to.
Its interesting to note, then, that in making this observation about myself, Ive added one more name to the list of women over seventy with whom Id engage in carnal activity. This list includes, at last count, Sophia Loren, Lena Horne, Barbara Eden, Lauren Bacall, and all three of the original Catwomans (though, if I was actually going to go at it with Eartha Kitt, Id insist that we have lights off and shed have to keep purring the whole time). If we lower the age to sixty, then we can add Racquel Welch, Catherine Deneuve and the aforementioned Ms. Margret, but Im pretty sure theyve all had work done, so its less of an accomplishment. My point, though, is that Im not shallow.
I dont mean to suggest, however, that I intend to actively seek out a physical encounter with Chita Rivera. Im just saying that if she threw herself at me, I wouldnt duck. Also, I dont want to give the impression that I want to have a prolonged romantic relationship with her. Dancers are crazy, and a person should never get emotionally involved with a dancer if they have any interest in their own mental well-being. Dancers have all the same hang-ups as actresses, but they lack the verbal outlet and they have way more body-consciousness issues. Sure, theyll fuck you sideways, but the trade-off isnt worth it.
In conclusion, Id like to encourage everyone to think outside the box when they consider whom they would or not have sex with. An open society is a productive society, and old chicks need loving too. Finally, Id like to re-iterate that Im a bibliophile and a sucker for Paul Lynde.
not so wierd Posted: 10/23/2005by: brynn in your defense, it's totally not so wierd. just think of all the women out there that still want to fuck richard gere! Detestable Posted: 10/11/2005by: Joe Kickass This is absolutely disgusting and uncalled for. Where is the decency?
I, on the other hand, am a perfect gentleman who would never sleep with someone's grandmother.
In fact, I refuse to sleep with anyone over the age of 17. Christine Posted: 10/11/2005by: Derek I'd be willing to check her out. How old is she? Does she have a lot of money?
Send me a picture of her. And of you. With the DDs out. Thanks hun. Agree with MEH Posted: 10/11/2005by: Tony Plow Great line. Best part of the article, by far. Hey Posted: 10/11/2005by: Christine Guys, there are a few perks that come along with fucking a G.I.L.F. You could meet her hot grandaughter. She might have a beautiful antique car. She could be rich and not have anyone else to share the earings with. My grandma's single. Let me know if anyone needs a hook up. Picture this... Posted: 10/11/2005by: soylent green You have all heard the line "Everyone drives a used car"...
You might also be familar with the "ladder theory" - EVERY woman falls somewhere on your laddder, even if it is on the bottom rung...
But have you stopped to think that when you hit 60 or 70, unless you have millions and can buy yourself some 20 something, sweet nymph, you WILL be tapping some dried up peice like Chita... if you are lucky and still can get it up.
remotely entertaining Posted: 10/11/2005by: Eugene You're a sick fuck and I agree with me. old bones Posted: 10/11/2005by: brian old bones do not make good soup Granny fucking is a no-no oooooh Posted: 10/11/2005by: brian Anybody that would fuck some dried up wrinkled prune twatt is one sick fuck. why not? Posted: 10/11/2005by: Vcook I'd bone all those old broads, and i'd let people assume it was when they were in their prime. "Sure I was 5, but I was ahead of my time and she was quite the temptress"
