Forgive me if it sounds like I am blogging here, but I need to get something out while its still fresh and weighing on me.
Before I get into the story, let me ask you (the great Phat Phree readers) this:
Have you ever lied to a celebrity? You know, just went up to them and fucking lied?
Well, I have, and I got busted for it!
Let me paint the picture for you the best I can. (Let's take a walk together)
It happened to me the other day when I was at this gym on Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood. I was there, deep in a vigorous "post-ex-girlfriend" workout.
*Attention Pathetic Men*- If you want to get into great shape, I highly recommend you break up with a girlfriend in dramatic fashion. After the first week of misery, it will become an excellent workout motivation.)
Anyway, back to the story.
I was at the gym. I had the workout gear on. The iPod playing, and I was in the fucking workout zone!
As I was in the 'workout zone', I looked up across the gym and saw Dave Navarro on a bench-press machine.
Dave Fucking Navarro at my gym! The same Dave Navarro from Janes Addiction, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and yes, the same Dave Navarro that sleeps right next to Carmen Electra at night. Dave Navarro-thirty-feet in front of me, getting his lift on. AWESOME!
I thought to myself, "I am a Dave Navarro fan and I want to talk to Dave Navarro right now!"
Now, usually before anyone nighs a celebrity, they tend to think up some sort of plan, or a tactic on how to approach them without coming off like a 'hand-job'. Nine times out ten, you end up looking like a hand-job anyway, so it really doesnt even matter what you say.
However, I thought up a plan of attack that would make Dave Navarro interested in talking to me. I would bring up an obscure Janes Addiction song that would intrigue him- thus leading to a long conversation.
I would then tell him that I was listening to it on my i Pod, and then Dave Navarro would want to talk to me for an extended period of time, because of my great knowledge and recognition of his music (Brilliant!).
That was the plan, and with the plan in place, I approached Dave Navarro on the bench-press machine.
Actual conversation:
Chad- "Hey man, I hate to bother you, but I was listening to Whores on my iPod, and I saw you over here, and I had to tell you about it."
Dave Navarro- "Cool man, off the first Janes album?"
Chad- "Yeah, Im pretty sure."
As I was talking to him, Dave Navarro asked to look at my iPod that was on my arm.
Dave Navarro- (Long Pause) "Says here your listening to Fleetwood Mac?"
Chad- "Oh no, I was just listening to it on my iPod and I."
Dave Navarro- "No, you told me that you were LISTENING to Whores.
Chad- No, I WAS listening to Whores and I.
Dave Navarro- (Smarmy and Rude) "Nice meeting you"
And then Dave walked away- one of the biggest disses I had ever received (Next to Dan Gilbert, Cavaliers owner).
I couldnt help but to wonder, "Was it the fact I lied about listening to Whores? Or was it because I was listening to Fleetwood Mac? Or maybe he just doesnt care for Lindsey Buckingham as a guitar player"
So many questions. I just didnt know what was going on in Dave Navarros noggin.
The only things I did know was- he was pissed, and he now thinks I am a liar.
I had an empty feeling, kind of like a feeling where your Grandma hears that you drank beer for the first time. (This happened to me also, and Grandma was pissed)
Did I lie? Technically -Yes, yes I did, but I do have Whores in my iPod, and I am a fan. So shouldnt that count for something?
What will really suck is when I run into Dave Navarro again.
This is how I see it going down:
Chad- "Hey Dave, I feel I owe you a"
Dave Navarro- "Well, well, well, if it isnt Mr. Landslide himself. Hows 'Rhiannon' doing these days?"
Chad- "Come on Dave, Whores was in my iPod, I guess I should have been a little more clear."
Dave Navarro- "Yeah, go ahead, Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies."
Chad- "Im not arguing with you Dave Navarro, I just wanted to explain myself and tell you I am sorry."
Dave Navarro- "Too late buddy, you can "Go your own way" now, you already broke The Chain."
Pick up the pieces and go home.
Chad- "Would you please STOP with the Fleetwood Mac song references already!"
And then Dave walks away again.
Its not going to be pretty.
I guess the two things I learned for this little experience are: just dont talk to celebrities. Its not worth the headache.
And, if you insist on talking (and lying), make sure its not Dave Navarro, because that son of a bitch will bust you every time.
So Dave Navarro, if youre Googling yourself right now, I just want to say, "I am sorry".
whatever Posted: 12/1/2005by: ted yeah right.... chad, you don't have to lie to us just to seem cool. nice try. Ok.. Posted: 11/30/2005by: z-man It's always good to come home and read people's responses to an article you wrote. I actually had no idea Jesse put this article up last night, because I wasn't finished with it yet. In any event, thanks for the feedback.
Also, to answer everyone's question, "Why I was listening to 'Fleetwood Mac' during my workout?" -I had the volume down and my i pod was on random. However, I am not afraid to admit that I would rock 'FWM' anyday of the week (even at the gym)
"Rumors" is a great album, but some people might prefer "Nothing's Shocking" (Not naming any names)
Shoutout to RHS- Brice Rose and Jesse Fucking Hayes (Yes, you did give me rides home from school, but you never kissed me.....ON THE MOUTH) Laugh out loud funny! Posted: 11/30/2005by: Sara This article made me laugh out loud.
My friend turned me on to The Phat Phree and I can't stop reading it. Derek Posted: 11/30/2005by: Brenda Della Casa I wanted to bring my point home...and clearly, I did. brenda Posted: 11/30/2005by: Derek If you put up pounds like you click an "add comment" button, we should all be very afraid. That reminds me..... Posted: 11/30/2005by: Whitey G. That reminds me of the time I met Michael Dudikoff, and told him I owned every "American Ninja" movie. He found out I was lying when he ended up staying on my couch for the next two weeks. said he was "between gigs". mdess, relax! Posted: 11/30/2005by: Mike This was a great story, and Chad always writes great stories. (Yuppies, Drew Gooden, Scott Baio)
The only question is what everyone has been asking, "Why in the hell were you working out to Fleetwood Mac?" Please answer your readers! Guns Posted: 11/30/2005by: Brenda Della Casa Derek,
Thank you. You can crack on my articles, but question my strength and you'll get a ticket to the Gun Show... mdee Posted: 11/30/2005by: Joe Kickass Apparently, the special ed kids get to use the computer lab on Wednesdays. Mdee Posted: 11/30/2005by: Derek Where do I buy the decoder ring that helps me understand that?
Brenda, for a second I thought you just got into a "how much you bench" battle with a dude. You're officially a new yorker, welcome.
