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Recently I’ve been deluged by images promoting the new version of The Pink Panther being released in February. It’s been on buses, in magazines, posters in theaters, even printed on the inside of my Netflix mailers. Every time I see one of these ads, I have to stop and reflect on what an interesting display of marketing this is, inasmuch as it’s trying to drum up interest in a movie that absolutely no one in their right mind should ever want to see. By extension, I am also forced to consider the sorry state of Steve Martin’s career, and how this project represents the apex of his descent, if you’ll pardon a mixed metaphor. With that in mind, I have compiled a short list of people who have, in recent years, done a very good job of squandering any respect or public goodwill they may have coming to them by consistently making films that detract from their previous accomplishments. Here goes:
1. Steve Martin. As I’ve said, this must be an absolute low-point in Steve’s career, and it represents some phenomenally bad decision-making. Not only is there no reason to re-make a classic like The Pink Panther, but casting Beyonce Knowles just reeks of pandering. Unfortunately, pandering has seemed to become the watch cry of Steve’s recent life. It started way back with Father of the Bride, and has gotten consistently worse.
Now, I use the term “bad decision-making”, but I must admit that I’m not entirely sure if it’s accurate. It seems to suggest that Steve Martin has lost the ability to distinguish a good project from a bad one, and that may not be the case. It could be that he just doesn’t care. I’ve been told that he has a very impressive private art collection, so it could be that he only agrees to do things like Cheaper by the Dozen 2 in order to finance his next Cezanne. Still, a guy like him should be keeping an eye on his enduring contribution to the culture. In fifty years time, those paintings will belong to someone else, but all those DVDs of Bringing Down the House will still be circulating, with his name above the title.
Even more frustrating is when he does make some attempts at legitimacy that simply don’t work. For example, the book “Shopgirl” was pretty good, but the movie version reeked of self-indulgent claptrap, which as we all know is the worst type of claptrap. It’s a shame, really, that Steve’s most recent project that had any kind of edge or satire was Bowfinger.
2. Speaking of which, next on the list is Eddie Murphy. Consider this: if Eddie Murphy had suddenly died in, say, 1988, he’d have left behind a legacy that included his years on SNL, plus 48 HRS, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop 1 & 2, Coming to America, and his concert movies. That would place him in the great comedy pantheon next to Lenny Bruce and John Belushi. Instead, he lived on, and his career tanked. His name became a punch line, synonymous with wasted potential and bad choices. He was the first person to be profiled in Entertainment Weekly’s surprisingly mean-spirited ‘Can This Career Be Saved?’ feature.
But then, amazingly, he came back, and is once again a huge star. And what rescued him from oblivion? DUMB FAMILY COMEDIES! The man who was the most dangerous comic in America, who kept "Saturday Night Live" from being cancelled, who was the heir apparent to Richard Pryor, salvaged his career with fart jokes and kiddie fare. Then he made sequels about them. I honestly don’t know what’s the worse fate- fading into obscurity, or coming back as a shadow of his former self. And, no, that’s not a racist comment.
Then and Now
3. Keeping to the subject of wasted comebacks, next on the list is Leslie Nielsen. Now, here we have a remarkable story of self-reinvention. Nielsen was actually a serious dramatic actor who played a number of dashing leading-man types. He then went on to guest-star in a slew of TV shows, playing distinguished authoritarians. He probably would have spent the rest of his life doing “Vega$” / “Cannon”-style pabulum if he hadn’t been tapped for the role of Dr. Rumack in Airplane! All of a sudden, he had new options, and he began to tap his latent potential for comedy, going on to do “Police Squad” and the Naked Gun movies. He still did a lot of TV work, but now he was showing up on “227” and “Herman’s Head”. Unfortunately, Leslie never seemed to realize that what made him so funny in “Airplane!” was that he wasn’t actually playing funny. This meant that when he found himself dealing with less skilled writers and directors, he found it very easy to lapse into unfunny mugging and double-takes (Lloyd Bridges had the same problem. Peter Graves, too. In fact, the only guy to get rescued by Airplane! and maintain his dignity was Robert Stack, but that’s because he never really got the joke in the first place). From there, it was just a short jump for Leslie to start making vulgar, ham-fisted clunkers like Safety Patrol and Scary Movie 3. These days, his most high-profile project is commercials for the Ohio Lottery. Sad, really.
4. One of Leslie’s more unfortunate collaborations was with Mel Brooks in Mel’s Dracula: Dead and Loving It. Now, it’s completely understandable that Mel, who’s getting on in years and probably has the thought of “Is this what I want the last thing I do before I die to be?” constantly at the back of his mind, would want to make something popular and successful to take the stink off Dracula. So what does he do? He picks his own not-dead-yet bones and puts together “The Producers”, a lavish big-budget Broadway musical that makes a point of satirizing the creatively bankrupt style of lavish big-budget Broadway musicals. He then goes on to win a bunch of Tony awards, and gets piles of acclaim and acceptance. He’s now got the clout to go and do any project he wants, so what does he do? He makes a movie out of the musical based on movie he already made! So, in addition to the hypocrisy of making a musical that satirizes musicals yet still wants to be taken seriously as a musical (which is sort of like if Spaceballs had swept the Nebula awards), he’s now completely removed it from context and cashed in with a big screen version. He even takes the egregious step of casting Will Ferrell in the Kenneth Mars role, even though Mars is still alive and funny. I wouldn’t even mind this so much if the whole process didn’t reek of the desperate desire not to be a failure. Sure, Mel was always a bit of a huckster, but he was a huckster with teeth, and some creative ideas. Now, what with the rumor that he’s planning to musicalize “Young Frankenstein”, I can’t help but wonder if it’s all an elaborate joke on us, the audience. I can just imagine Gene Wilder telling Zero Mostel “You know, it’s funny, but it almost seems like you could make more money with a trite re-hash of your old material than with something new and challenging.”
5. In the number five spot, I put a guy who is not in the comedy game, but who has nonetheless done an excellent job of squandering the goodwill he accumulated from his earlier work. George Lucas has gone on record in a number of places saying that he originally wrote the whole Star Wars saga back in the seventies as the tale of Darth Vader’s fall and redemption, and that he’s “been waiting twenty years to tell this story”. I really don’t know which is sadder- the idea that he thought he had to say things like that in order to get people excited about the prequels, or the idea that he really has been waiting to tell a story for twenty years and it was that one.
I won’t go into specific complaints about Episodes 1-3, such as the mind-bogglingly pointless story elements, or the soulless directing. Rather, the problem with the prequels is that it feels like Lucas has become more interested in making movies to please his own kids, rather than appealing to the kid in all of us. He then delivers the back-handed slap of turning his movies into toy commercials, packed with spectacle but lacking any meaning. “Sound and fury, signifying nothing”, indeed.
That’s the list as I see it. There are a few other people who I considered including, but eventually thought better of it. Dennis Miller, for example, has a done a remarkable job of squandering our fondness for him with his slow slide from smarmy liberal to snarky, esoteric libertarian to paranoid right-wing reactionary douche bag. However, he doesn’t make the list because it turns out he was never actually funny to start with.
Also, Tim Curry has made some remarkably bad career choices recently, what with his direct-to-video Addams Family sequels, and that horrible sit-com with Annie Potts. But I forgive him because he’s British, and the Brits take a different approach to picking their roles. When you learn acting in Britain, you’re taught not to distinguish between a good project and a bad one, rather you see them all as an opportunity to practice the craft. Plus, Tim Curry was in Clue, and anybody who was in Clue gets a free pass. That’s why Christopher Lloyd’s not on the list, though goodness knows he deserves to be.
Way to get serious about comedy. Good read though.
Jus
yup
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Posted: 2/7/2006 8:16:25 AM
Steve Martin is not only ruining his own legacy left by classics like The Jerk, but also tarnishing Peter Sellars good name and Beyonces fine booty in the process. Tim Curry however is the biggest waste. Screw Rocky Horror, but Clue and Legend should not be defiled.
snoogans
Jesus
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Posted: 2/7/2006 9:53:20 AM
Beyonce would ruin any.....ANY film.
Martins stand-up from the 70's is some of the funniest stuff I've ever heard. How he ended up rolling around on top of Queen Latifah or sickening us with an inner monologue in Parenthood is beyond me.
Atlas
If Lucas
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Posted: 2/7/2006 10:32:53 AM
is on the list he should be #1. What he did was a travesty.
WESquared
Other Squander Nominees
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Posted: 2/7/2006 11:25:38 AM
What about Martin Lawrence? He started out as the star of a moderately endearing sitcom, "Martin", and went on to star in some overblown, truly horrible movies (who was the FREAKIN' GENIUS who came up with the idea to make a sequel to the execrable "Big Momma's House"?)
And while we're at it, what about rock/pop stars who make awful movies after their musical careers have cooled? The one star that readily comes to memory is Madonna. After the rather entertaining "Desperately Seeking Susan" in the early '80s, she went on to star in a number of truly awful cinematic turkeys. I'm sure Antonio Banderas is still kicking himself after working with her in "Evita".
vertigo
good read
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Posted: 2/7/2006 11:43:33 AM
martin is a great choice for #1, but eugene levy should be on the list. has the guy said no to anything in the last 5-10 years?
Jeff G.
my thoughts exactly
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Posted: 2/7/2006 12:38:30 PM
Dave,
You crytalized my thoughts exactly. It's sad to watch my childhood comedy hero pick the bones of Peter Sellers. If he wanted to do a "zany Character" why not recycle his own shit and make "The Jerk 2"? Not that I would welcome that film any more than this, but I could respect him more.
MEH
BRILLIANT!
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Posted: 2/7/2006 12:46:35 PM
THE JERK 2
Starring Martin Lawrence as a poor black man who grows up thinking he's a white woman. Co-starring: Jackie Chan, Jennifer Lopez, Andrew Shue.
Beetle
Thank You
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Posted: 2/7/2006 1:06:00 PM
For calling out Steve Martin. This guy has sold his soul. How could he even think of re-making the Pink Panther. Peter Sellers in untouchable. The Jerk, The Lonely Guy, Roxanne, and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels are all comedy classics. However Dave, you stated that his downfall began with Father of the Bride. Actually, check out the films My Blue Heaven or Parenthood again, you'll see that all the signs of an impending sell-out are there. For Shame Steve, for shame. Do you think Bill Murray laughs at all his former SNL cast mates? Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, they've all become pitiful caricatures of themselves.
Joe Kickass
Sad
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Posted: 2/7/2006 1:15:20 PM
Great list Dave. Hate to see what's happening to the man who brought us the King Tut song and dance.
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