Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
Do you know who this fucker is?
Ashley Parker Angel? Did he pick this as a stage name or was it his real name? Which of those answers would be more acceptable? If he wasn’t referred to in the same way as historical assassins, his name would be Ashley Angel. Why even deviate from the whole pussy-ass motif with “Parker?” Why not “Feather?” Or “Butterfly?” Oh, I got it. He could be Ashley Vagina Angel. Has anyone seen this fucker? He is unbelievable. "There and Back", his show on MTV, is so fucking unbearable that I have actually considered lighting my television on fire whenever my fiancée turns it on.
I would be surprised that such fecal-esque garbage would actually air on television, but I realize that a channel named MTV exists. Those bastards. I have caught on to their little game. Two guys over there at Viacom obviously have a bet going. It’s probably Randolph and Mortimer Duke from Trading Places. Who can make the most absolutely terrible, bottom of the bucket, shit-stain of a show of all time and actually get people to tune in? It’s almost like a game of horrible television Jenga. Keep pulling shit out of your ass until the whole network comes toppling down.
"To the contrary, Mortimer, "Quadriplegic Lesbian Room-Raiders" will be fly as shit."
Just when you see a gay guy make out with another gay guy’s mom on a jet ski, you think you’ve seen it all. MTV finally smacked rock bottom. But, no way. Beeeeep Beeeeeeeeeppppp! Here comes the MTV shit-show express! Ashley Angel is appearing on commercials and being portrayed like people actually know who he is. Most people reading this still don’t even know who the fuck he is.
“He was in O-Town,” my fiancée tells me.
So was our paper-boy. What is the big fucking deal? I bet you can’t even name one of their songs!
“'Liquid dreams',” she replies.
I make sure the windows and garage door are tightly shut and start the engine.
Alright, I understand that some misguided females might have a limited knowledge of who he is. Besides them? Nobody. MTV made him sound like some great musician fighting his way back to the top. Back to the top? Back? Maybe back to the top of the stairs to his one-room apartment over a bar. How in the fuck do you go back to somewhere you’ve never been? Ashley Angel is not Marty McFly, and he is currently on his fourteenth minute of fame.
The premise of the show could cause self-mutilation. Whoever came up with this whole thing should be forced to ingest a gallon of bleach from a beer bong. The whole premise goes something like this. Ashley rocked out with a boy band called O-town after he won on "Making the Band". Surprisingly, the band was not entirely successful, and broke up. Now he is flat broke, living with his pregnant girlfriend’s mom, and trying to make a comeback as a guitar-yielding John Mayer, wannabe. I’ve seen better television in Mexico.
This show has lasted for an entire season. Who identifies with this turd?
“Ah, man, I feel so bad that you won a reality contest, made a whole bunch of money, and failed to invest any of it at all! Sniffle sniffle.”
Who is rooting for him to make his “comeback?” If there is anyone, they sure aren’t buying his albums. The other day I heard him yapping that he might actually have to get a “real” job because he’s tired of taking handouts. Oh, look, I’m making a fist, that makes it hard to type.
The best part of the whole thing is that the only job he qualified for was to hold advertising signs and stand outside of businesses. This is not a joke. It really happened. I would think that there could be a better person out there to make a reality show about. This guy’s highest employment qualification is to dress up like a giant foam cell phone and stand outside of Alltel.
Ashley Vagina Angel spends most episodes sulking about his bitchy-ass, pregnant girlfriend, her mom, and the fact that it’s such bad luck that the band broke up and he can’t “catch on” in the industry. A good friend would grab him by the shoulders, shake him like hell, and say, “You’re right, Ash, it is impossible to come back and have a successful solo career after your band breaks up. It’s never been done. Forget about every single Beatle, Eric Clapton, Michael Jackson, Ice Cube, Dr. Dre, Eazy E, Scott Weiland, Beyonce, Chris Cornell, and any other of the various entertainers who have done so. The reason you aren’t catching on isn’t because your band broke up, or because the industry is holding you down- it is because you suck balls.”
I encourage any fans of Ashley to relay this helpful, friendly advice to him.
ha ha ha
I can’t believe that this show actually airs. Ashley took the amazingly brave career-jump from boy-band member, during the boy-band craze, into a soulful, pretty-boy, guitar yielding, love rocker, during the soulful, pretty-boy, guitar yielding, love rocker craze. Thanks again, John Mayer. You and your clones have knocked out about fourteen million mind-drilling songs about love. A musician hasn’t been this brave involving an image change since Vanilla Ice came back as a heavy-rap-rock singer when Limp Bizkit was popular. Yeah, remember that? Limp Bizkit was popular.
I guess the best way I can sum it all up is to say that Ashley Parker Angel is an annoying fuckface and his show sucks ass.
P.S. He also named his son, “Lyric.” Yep, that’s right. Lyric Angel. Time to go back out to the garage. To hell with you, MTV.
embarassingly enough, i watched the episode in question, where he gets a "real job" through the aid of a former bandmate.. wait for it.. working construction. a memorable line from being "on the job":
ashley,while reading a tape measure: "are the smallest lines millimeters?? ok, then it's 42 inches & 3 millimeters." jesus. even ty penningchode can read a tape.
john mayer, while a complete fairy & a prick, can actually shred some guitar strings.. his new "trio" sounds a whole lot like SRV & double trouble.. but only if you can forget that it's john mayer, is it tolerable..
Dave Amiott
What?
()
Post #: 2
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 2/27/2006 9:35:35 AM
You dare to disparage Ashley Angel from O-Town? From television's gift to popular music and the world, O-Town? He's like the Beatles and Jesus rolled into one!
Mack
The Male Jessica Simpson
()
Post #: 3
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 2/27/2006 10:04:53 AM
Jessica Simpson became a star because she let America laugh at her. MTV is hoping to catch lightning in the bottle twice with this Angel clown. The only job he's qualified for is holding advertising signs? It makes for better television than having the guy cut muffins at the local bakery. Everything about the show is a farce. He's reading cue cards for chrissakes.
I'm more shocked at some of the other shows on that station. The show where vapid teens go out with the mom of other vapid teens is frightening. I pray for the children of tomorrow. I pray for our future.
Andy K
great stuff
()
Post #: 4
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 2/27/2006 10:12:18 AM
Hysterical. I was reading this and find it hard to believe that this show actually exists. I may have to watch it now just to see how bad it is, kinda like "Flava of Love" on VH1.
Atlas
Stereotypical Trainwreck
()
Post #: 5
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 2/27/2006 10:30:59 AM
It is hard to turn this show off once it is on. You could teach your kids life lessons by having them watch and preface the whole event with "If you do the opposite of everything you see on this show you will be successfull."
This kid is king DB and puts it out there for everyone to see. There is something magical about watching someone with no clue as to how stupid they are actually acting. Simpson was a moron and played it up, this kid is a moron that thinks he is actually going to become famous.
If he actually does become famous I will be duct taping the bottom of the garage door just to be sure no fumes get out.
Christine
Wow
()
Post #: 6
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 2/27/2006 11:06:54 AM
I have never heard of this kid or seen the show, but now I have to. Anything that gets Juan angry is worth a gander. I actually felt the rage on that one. And no offense, but I would re-think your fiance'. Liquid Dream??? and she knew that??? I once dumped a guy for singing a Ja-rule song in public. Some things are unacceptable.
Tom A
"Oh, look, I’m making a fist, that makes it hard to type. "
()
Post #: 7
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 2/27/2006 11:39:13 AM
Ah, yes.
I used to think that MTV was the worst thing to happen to music since the synthesizer. Nowadays, I am sure.
The GZA
Embarrassing
()
Post #: 8
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 2/27/2006 12:41:35 PM
but I've seen this show as well. the one where he goes to the grocery store and has to call his pregnant wife at least 10 time b/c he's a complete moron and apparently has never been to a grocery store before.
Atlas is right on with the trainwreck comment, you can't help but not look away sometimes.
Anyone see that 2 hour Fat Camp documentary? Typical MTV trainwreck as well.
Big Nasty
Sad to say
()
Post #: 9
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 2/27/2006 1:25:19 PM
but I got sucked into an episode the other day as well. Most of this show is so staged it's pathetic. It's so sad watching Ashley ponder his first ever hard day of work on the pack porch with a Corona and act "surprised" when his girlfriend dropped his baby into his arms for feeding. How does he expect us to feel sympathy when MTV pays him thousands of dollars for this shit show? However, one great part that wasn't staged was when he was in the club and got called "cupcake" and bitchslapped by this random asshole. He then proceeded to throw his drink on the dude, throw the weakest punch of all time, and tell the guy to get on his knees and "blllllleeeeeppp". Then he bragged about how he punked the dude out. What a joke. Damn you to Hell MTV.
Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
Posts: 
