 | Jesus with Larry King |
REUTERS- After their recent success in exposing countless fabrications in James Freys best-selling book, A Million Little Pieces, The Smoking Gun is setting its sights on a higher power: the Holy Bible.
In a press release this week, TSG reported wild embellishment of several key story points in the highest selling book of all time.
It didnt take long for our investigation to uncover numerous fabrications. Its [the Bible] full of improbable and impossible situations, it just cant be real, said a spokesperson for TSG, walking on water, resurrection, turning water into wine curing diseases with a high five? Need we go on? Ridiculous; its made up, adding, look, were not trying to downplay the importance of religion, we just want to keep it honest.
Christ refused to comment in the first few days after the TSG press release, but did seemingly reference the accusations on his blog, posting: Yet another attempt to bring me down. Let those haters hate on JC, theyre a bunch of wangstas.
 | Oprah's fat again |
Later the same week, in a long awaited press conference, Jesus would attempt to put to rest any doubts of the books authenticity. Two thousand years of undisturbed devotion, and now this? Yall better check yourselves. Nancy Drew and The Smoking Gun better slow their roll - for real.
 | quesadillas for jesus |
The following night, Christ appeared on Larry King Live to be bombarded with a barrage of angry questions and call-ins, including a surprise phone call from Oprah, who phoned in to publicly declare that she was removing the Bible from her popular book club. Oprah added, You should be ashamed, sir, you have conned the masses sorry, I didnt mean for that to be a pun. Point is, you have shrouded the Bible in deceit. Walking on water I cant believe I bought that.
Jesus responding by saying that while some parts of the Bible may have been slightly enhanced for dramatic effect, it wasnt meant to take away from the message the book intended. He then snapped his fingers and Oprah became morbidly obese.
Experts say Bible sales will experience a decline in the next few months, as will church attendance and pancake breakfasts. Pope Benedict XVI has postponed his "SNL" host appearance, and the Virgin Mary has declined response to inquiries whether or not her image would be making appearances in South American tortillas in the next few weeks.
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