First it's thumb sucking, then it's. . well you know
AMARILLO, TX – “Mr. and Mrs. Keegan, we have reached conclusive results after conducting the ultrasound and examining the amniocentesis: it’s going to be a boy. A very gay boy.” The news, delivered by Amarillo Free Clinic OBGYN specialist Dr. Phil Scroggins, shocked expectant parents Rex and Mary Keegan.
Amniocentesis, a common prenatal test, is administered during the second trimester of pregnancy to diagnose chromosomal and genetic birth defects like down syndrome, spina bifida, cleft palate, and homosexuality.
The ultrasound revealed the fetus’s “limp, hanging wrists”, the first indication of its sexual orientation. Doctors then observed the fetus’s animated response to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen”, the entire Cher catalogue, and a sampling of popular show tunes. Mary Keegan's insatiable cravings for soy cappuccinos, assorted wine coolers, and crme brulee put the nail in the coffin for this baby-to-be.
After receiving the bad news, traditionally conservative Rex Keegan would spend the next five seconds deliberating the fate of his wife, her womb, and the faggot fetus. Torn between his hatred of homosexuals and love of life, Keegan made the difficult decision: “Kill it. . .I mean the child, not Mary. I figger I’m more for killin’ homos than savin’ babies. I’m pro-life, but I ain’t pro-gay-life. No sirree!”
Undoubtedly, Rex Keegan wore the disappointment on his sleeve. He had anticipated passing his bigotry down to a son and teaching him manly things like how to throw a football, how to load a gun, and how to unload a gun on any “fairies”.
Rex owns and operates “Rex’s Texas Beef”, one of the Longhorn state’s most successful cattle ranches. His business earned the acclaim of the Texas citizenry after a commercial campaign employed the catch phrase “Nobody Beats Our Meat”.
Mary is an assistant manager at the Amarillo based furniture outlet “Ottoman Empire”. With the help of her friends, family, and co-workers she had amassed several items that would have been useful for their newborn, including a prized Dallas Cowboys baby bottle koozie.
On the day of the scheduled abortion, the Keegans were met with heavy resistance outside of the Amarillo Free Clinic. A group of protestors shrouded in fake blood waved signs that read “The Natural Choice is Life” and shouted things like “Murderers!”, “Don’t slaughter the innocent!”, and other pro-life rhetoric.
However, real blood was shed after it was discovered that a group of vegans had infiltrated the rabble to condemn the practices of "Rex's Texas Beef" instead of Mary Keegan's abortion. The ensuing melee resulted in the hospitalization of 11 liberal pussies and a handful of Jesus-freak rednecks. Those admitted to the emergency room were listed as being in "overly-critical" condition.
There is a silver lining for both the Keegans and the medical community: Rex was cajoled into donating the gay fetus to science after he was told it could someday be used to determine the cause of homosexuality, and that he would be recognized for helping rid the planet of queers.
On a related note, Keegan is assured that gay cows taste "about the same" as straight cows.
Director of Stuff for that one company Posted: 1/6/2006by: Uncle Teej So I want clarification. So how gay is the fetus on a one to ten scale. Is it a one like it likes to kiss other guy feti? Or is it a ten like it will 'take it' up its still developing baby butthole? Thanks.
Hey Steve K Posted: 8/11/2005by: Jim I think you missed the boat on this one... i love it Posted: 8/7/2005by: scott hillarious jordo, i love it texas couple aborts gay fetus Posted: 7/29/2005by: mimi likover Very creative article. Good Job!!!!!! Now THAT's funny!!! Posted: 7/24/2005by: Lynne Made me laugh !!! Phony Posted: 7/22/2005by: matt STEVE is a phony a big fat phony Great article Posted: 7/22/2005by: Matt This was a great article. But what most people don't know is that, upon learning that the Keegans were about to abort a gay fetus, a small group of pro-lifers broke from the melee and formed a cocoon around the pair. With bibles and crosses drawn, the Jesus-freaks escorted the couple into the clinic so that the "diseased" mother could receive emergency surgery to remove the "malignant tumor" from her womb. Awesome Posted: 7/22/2005by: Ella Loved it, a very happy Friday indeed. Thanks! I Realize This is "Fake News" Posted: 7/22/2005by: Tom A but c'mon.
That Texas couple's heads would have exploded when the doctor told them that the fetus had already "chosen" to be gay.
And the Bible thumpers' signs and rhetoric would have been along the lines of "Let Him Live, so We can Condemn Him"
Too much irony. Need aspirin... GOOD SHIT Posted: 7/22/2005by: STEVE "Faggot fetus", HAHAHAHAHAH
That shit was funny. I'd kill that limp wristed pussy too.
