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Hello... I'm here to raise your Insurance
Being males in our early 20's (emotionally speaking) both Rick and I have had our fair share of run-ins with members of law enforcement and in almost every case we were always greeted with a generous amount of attitude and sometimes with just a hint of taser.
It goes without saying that most cops are assholes and, in their defense, they have to be. The hours and pay are usually shit; you have to deal with the absolute dregs of society; plus there's that gay ass uniform complete with matching Ford Taurus. So yeah, we see how you might have a chip on your shoulder "Officer Friendly".
But some officers take it too far. Just ask twenty year old Missouri resident Brett Darrow. Brett had his camera rolling when a St. Louis police officer pulled up behind him in a parking lot last month and proceeded to intimidate him and even threaten him with potentially fabricated charges.
Here is the 13 minute clip via you tube.
Now while Brett might be a little paranoid to have a mouted security camera rolling while he drives we do admire his tenacity albeit momentary in dealing with officer dickbag. Both Rick and I would have opted to just sit there powerless and let the cop yell at us for 10 minutes as we've done 100's of times before. The secret is in being patronizing but not TOO patronizing. You just sit there nodding and repeating "Yes sir", "No sir", and "I wasn't aware my genitals were visible to those High School girls sir." (Impressive Rick)
Still though it's really not fair to say ALL cops are assholes when there are so many different kids of cops and assholes out there. So this week Rick and I thought we'd break it down as best we could as we present the Ultimate 11 Asshole Cops: An Asshole Matrix for Members of Law Enforcement.*
*We fully realize that we are giant pussies who are basically blogging about something instead of standing up for ourselves. This is one in a many long line of that. Are you honestly surprised? Anyway on with the list...
Auxiliary Police Coming in at number one are the saddest cops of all. The Auxiliary Police. These guys are rarely assholes. In fact in most cases they're very nice are just glad to have someone to talk to as they get stuck sitting somewhere for hours on end. These sad sacks get stuck directing traffic, patting down concert goers' and sitting at the all night counter a Dennys to make sure the teens don't get out of hand at 3 am. They even sometimes seat people if the hostess is busy. No lie, we've seen it. Someone tell us if we should have tipped him.
Transit Police We've never been exactly sure what these guys do as we've never had to deal with them before. We're assuming they aren't huge assholes as they are probably not exceptionally busy most of the time. We're guessing that if you rob, rape, or murder someone at a bus stop, train station, or subway platform this is who you call. "Hey you, with the counterfeit bus transfer! FREZE!!"
County Sheriff in Municipalities In some big cities with large police departments the sheriff's office is typically delegated the task of transporting prisoners to and from court, prison, and elsewhere. For that reason these "Glorified Bailiffs" are usually pretty nice folks. Once in a while on TV you'll see a courtroom outburst where some of these rotund Teddy Bears with guns have to restrain someone. It's usually the only time these guys have to be assholes. To their defense if you had to put down your coffee and paper to wrestle some irate drug dealer you'd probably be an asshole about it too.
Holy shit, I have had a problem with almost every one of these types of police.
One time I had an asshole auxilary cop tell me that he would take me downtown too if I didn't stop talking to the perp he was arresting. When I asked him what the charge would be, he said "Breaching my peace".
My latest run in was with a combo lawman: the auxillary state trooper. And he was none too happy when he realized the only way to communicate with me was to refer to me as, "King of Syrup."
Also, the only cop i know dropped out of college after earning a less than stellar 0.32 his last semester in school by pretending to have mono. ...he's been promoted twice in 3 years
Posts: 1542 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:44:46 AM
This dipshit campus cop perosnally busted me 4 times in my time at Berkeley. Fuckwad.
Also, never go to Newport Beach for the 4th of July. Just trust me. Every schmuck cop from Orange Colunty pull duty there for this otherwise glorious holiday. While getting an open container ticket I had a 10 minute discussion with one about "the word of the law vs. the spirit of the law." They told me they had never been talked to this way and didn't know what the fuck I was talking about.
Posts: 16 Rank: 194 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Reading, PA
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:08:08 AM
Kudos to the suburban cops. Running speed traps, collecting kids caught shoplifting at the mall, breaking up packs of skateboarders, sitting in my office parking lot for hours on end. No safer place at night than the Dunkin Donuts.
Thanks for "fighting crime", you guys are the real "heroes"
Posts: 300 Rank: 25 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
East Lansing, MI
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:10:16 AM
Actually is cutting edge. You know those giant radar "bulbs" that big ass yatchs have? Well, each of the 20 2008 Chevy Suburban MSU's campus uses has one of those on it, and they not only see if a damn missile is coming at them, but those fuckers have swivel cameras, night vision, and sound magnification on their cars. We could be 5 blocks away and they can hear a conversation of "why it's dangerous to smoke pot on the street".
Besides the time the cops came to investigate who stole my shitty roommate's shit. and the whole "drunken roommate on a futon" thing, the one time I almost got busted, my buddy and I were caught with about 8 bottles left in a 24 of Corona (I was a senior in high school, and I was visiting my brother down here over break, and I tell this to you because I know, I was a lame-ass), and the cops asked to see some I.D. I sighed, knowing how fucked I was (since I was 18), and as I pulled out my vertical license, my Eagle Scout Card fell out. He looked at both, grabbed the beer, threw it in the trunk, and told us to go home.
I'm gonna have to say, I think County Sherriff should be higher on the list as I have been harrassed by these jackasses on numerous occasions. The worst of which being in Holy Pond, Alabama returning home from a show at 2 in the morning. The jackass rides my ass for at least 10 minutes searching for some reason to pull me over. Then finally does pull me over out of the "town" away from all houses, traffic, and street lights. I was seriously thinking I was about to be one of those stories on the news about fake cop rapes and kills. I was beyond shady. Procedes to hold me up for 45 minutes while he searches the car. Finds nothing and lets me go without a ticket or anything. It should also be mentioned the only reason he could find to pull me over is ONE of the lights around my tag was burnt out (he could still clearly read it and this didn't warrent a search.) I told my friend who was with me that he probably went home and beat his wife cause he didn't get to arrest us. Needless to say, I haven't and won't be returning to Alabama again in this lifetime.
Posts: 16 Rank: 186 Joined:
12/12/2006
Location:
Swilladelphia, PA
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:47:08 AM
I love how the cop is all, "fuck this, fuck you, and fuck everyone. I am KING!" And then he sees the camera and is like "what's that? I have a camera too. It's gonna show you weaving all over the road. And your turn signal and stuff!"
That fuckin piece of shit screaming about who knows the law? What a fucking shit-sniffer. Then he turns into his buddy, "hey, what do you do for work? People commit suicide here so I'm just lookin' out for you." What fucking smacked ass. I sat and listened to that whole fucking thing just seething and couldn't turn it off. I want to go punch a fuckin' dick cop right now.
Posts: 173 Rank: 36 Joined:
8/29/2007
Location:
Boston, MA
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:57:07 AM
Coming from the meter-ridden city of Boston, I'd had my fair share of run ins with meter maids. These fucknuts have the blackest of souls. In a couple of occasions I've even seen them countdown by my car aching to slap me with a $25 piece of shit ticket. If I get one more boot on my pathetic Sentra, I'm pulling a Homer... fuck it.
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