CHICAGO IL: At an official press conference early Friday morning, Jim Fath announced with his press agent, Mark Raterman that he will be playing the part of his own lover this evening and for several evenings to come. The Hollywood Reporter today confirmed, as it had been rumored for weeks, that Jim will engage in self love for over a half an hour at various points this entire weekend.
"I would just like to say to all my friends and family, that this is it! This is the big one!" Fath said as the press conference began. "I've decided, after a long process of looking over opportunities and offers to finally accept the role of playing with myself."
"We're all very excited about the news" Faths agent Mark Raterman said. "We've been working very hard during the entire selection process to make all this happen According to the announcement, the casting of Fath as his own lover came about after a trial test between Fath and several strippers and other prostitutes. The initial offers from strippers and Prostitutes were declined early primarily as Fath "Wasn't about to spend $80 on a blow job" and that he (Fath) will continue to play the role he and his fans have come to know. Plus, Raterman continued The guys (Fath) not exactly easy on the eyes and hes certainly not good with women either. I mean he couldnt get laid if his dick was the cure for cancer. Fath then immediately took the mic away from Raterman.
In playing with himself Fath joins a fairly exclusive club of people whove, according to Raterman "handled his meat". Though he was the originator of the role there has been a few others cast in his place. Though asked several times, Fath would not elaborate on who or how many have played the role in the past.
Lamenting so Few Options
Tough Questions abounded for Fath as many viewed today's announcement a baiting call to possibly "Get Laid" this weekend. Raterman was quick to defend "I'd like to point out that my client hasn't engaged in sexual activity in over 2 years and certainly a press conference here at the Days Inn on Lincoln Avenue isn't going to change any of that.
Fath continued "The role is one that I am familiar with and I just want to give the people what they want. Or rather, should I say, not give them what they dont want which, apparently, would be one night with me. Hell who am I kidding? 15 minutes with me would be more accurate"
Fath and his partner Pose for the crowd
It was unclear weather or not he will be partnering up with Stephanie Swift again as he briefly went into detail about the merits of downloading free porn versus buying existing porn from a store. Stephanie Swift is my girl but I also have to consider the price of Vivid DVDs. Especially since I know for a fact that I can download plenty of raunchy filth with Shareeza.com
At the close of the press conference Raterman and Fath shook hands and Fath picked up a box of Tissue and waived it over his head to the cheering crowd.
Fath will began playing the role as early as this evening or perhaps during lunch if it's slow enough at work. He also intimated that he might write a masturbatory article as well but he would not go into great detail about the article or where it might be published. Then he winked.
helping hand Posted: 4/21/2005by: Rick Jim, i have a free hand most nights if you need any help. i'm told i'm pretty good. Two Things Posted: 4/18/2005by: answer man Number 1: Why is this in fake news? This is REAL NEWS!
Number 2: In reference to Courtneys questions, Fath smells like the backseat of Bangkok rickshaw in July. Rub One Out! Posted: 4/18/2005by: Jus I hope everything "works out" okay for you. Really? Posted: 4/18/2005by: Courtney You seem like a handsome man with a good sense of humor, why no girlfriend? Works? Posted: 4/18/2005by: Joe Let me know if this gets you any trim dog!
